You’re Attitude TeBlows
Even though this is only my second guest blog I feel like I
need to make a commitment. Given Boyd’s propensity to blog about sports I will
not have another sports related guest blog. Actually, if my existing track
record provides any insight into the timing of my additions to this website,
you won’t see anything from me for the next 11 months. I want to talk about Tim
Tebow. Actually, I don’t. I want to talk about people’s reactions to Tim Tebow
and what I think it says about us. Here’s my general hypothesis: people hate
themselves.
As someone who lives in Pittsburgh and likes to drink
alcohol[1]
I had the pleasure of experiencing the reaction to the Steelers’ overtime loss
to Tebow on Sunday. My immediate reaction was “it is going to be amazing
hearing what these yinzers have to say about this”. Being a sports town, every
radio station on my Monday morning drive was discussing the debacle in Denver.
Facebook was loaded, and I mean loaded with posts about the game[2]
and they all weren’t limited to Steeler fans. There seemed to be an
overwhelming sentiment that Tebow can go fuck himself.
I get that he may not have the most talent or that it was
really surprising how well he played. But if you are actually angry at Tim
Tebow, feel the need to criticize him, make jokes at his expense and don’t feel
happy that he has defied the odds this season than you are a scumbag. By all
accounts this dude is an amazing human being. However, I get that feeling. I
feel the same way about most people who have a seemingly perfect life[3].
The reason for that is simple; I’m a jerk who hates himself and others.
So instead, we look up to and praise assholes. These same
Steeler fans that talk shit on Tebow will admire Ben Roethlisberger. So people
will choose to have a more positive reaction to someone who tries to finger
blast 20 year olds in a bathroom against their will while Tebow is hand feeding
African babies on his latest missionary trip. Ohhhh Tom Brady is so good,
greatest ever, such a champion, etc. You know what else he’s good at? Dumping
his third trimester preggo girlfriend for a supermodel and then leaving her to
raise the kid without his influence. The inside scoop is he doesn’t even send
birthday cards. Who else; Jordan[4],
Tiger[5],
Danica Patrick[6],
Federer[7],
JoePa[8]?
Now a Gallup poll recently did cite him as the 11th
most admired person. However, let’s take a quick look at those ahead of him:
Obama (cop out answer), George Bush (no comment), Bill Clinton (if it was a
“most creative use of cigar” poll maybe), Reverend Billy Graham (go fuck
yourself), Warren Buffet (way to go out on a limb with richest, oldest, white
guy), Newt Gingrich (e-mail divorces his cancer stricken wife), Donald Trump
(dickheadishly telling people their fired on national television was his best business
decision), Pope Benedict (legit), Bill Gates (middle aged rich white guy who
ripped off now dead guys ideas), and Thomas Monson (thinks the Garden of Eden
is in Jackson County Missouri). I’d say you can’t trust that poll.
So my point is this; let’s stop the hating and just feel
good for a good person. The only way you can do that is stop hating ourselves
or people we can’t relate to. There’s been a lot of discussion about
resolutions. Mine is to stop being so negative. I guess it starts with liking Tebow.
Anyone else care to join me? If not, I heard Tebow is giving out ham
sandwiches. After all, God never said anything about hand jobs.[9]
-Written by Josh
[2] Incidentally, this makes me realize that I have very few friends who live outside of Pittsburgh, which in turn makes me incredibly sad.
[3] Or just those who wake up with 1. Clothes on 2. Knowing where they are and 3. Without a dick drawn in sharpie on their forehead
[4] Probably got his dad killed over gambling debt
[5] How did that work out?
[6] She
should be Eight Belles euthanized every time she finishes 32nd and
then strips down to promote a domain name website. I mean seriously, godaddy?
Cunt
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