You Can't Avoid Boyd - Money Talks, Bullshit Walks

Money Talks, Bullshit Walks

Last weekend, the long anticipated baseball movie “Moneyball” made its national debut. The producers did a good job having Brad Pitt star as the main role in an attempt to please bored wives/girlfriends/dates as they were dragged to the theaters by their significant other (I knew better to bring my girlfriend to this movie and have to explain Scott Hatteberg to her for two hours.) The movie has allowed sports fans to revisit the 2003 best-selling book of the same name, written by Michael Lewis, and the entire concept of “Moneyball”.

I will try to keep this concept very basic and not nerd it up: The Oakland A’s (along with a few other teams) determined in the early 2000s that the statistics and strategies most of baseball used to develop their baseball teams were flawed. For example, stolen bases and runs batted in (RBIs). A guy with 100 RBIs, they argued, wasn’t necessarily a good player, just an average player fortunate to have the opportunity to hit with runners on. The A’s and their general manager, Billy Beane, focused on on-base percentage and slugging percentage, a foreign concept at the time. They knew with their limited payroll, they had to draft and sign misfits who would be overlooked by most teams due to their evident deficiencies but got on base and/or can hit with power regularly. Richer teams, like the Yankees, could afford to sign players to rich contracts and not have it work out. The A’s had to be smart with their money and couldn’t afford any mistakes. Baseball scouts weren’t that important in this concept, statistics were. They refused to draft high schoolers because they typically flamed out as opposed to more established college players. They also drafted players earlier than expected since they fit into their system and would accept cheaper contracts.

The A’s had a seven year run from 2000-2006 where they were a playoff contender annually. They made the playoffs five years, and advanced to one championship series. Since 2006, they have struggled to be .500 team. Some of the players chronicled in the book have enjoyed success in baseball. Others have not. You would have thought Jeremy Brown (or Fat Jeremy Brown as the author referred to him as) would have been the second coming of Jesus if you read the book. He enjoyed a few call-ups in the majors before retiring.

My main complaint about the “Moneyball” concept is I don’t believe it’s even a revolutionary concept. While the idea has the potential to neutralize the playing field, it never really has. The A’s enjoyed some success, but lost most of their playoff games. Sure, they were competitive against the richer teams (Yankees and Red Sox) in their playoff matchups, but could never beat them. Eventually, the misfits became too valuable for their contracts and moved on to more lucrative contracts elsewhere. If the A’s would have won a World Series, I’d understand the hoopla about “Moneyball”. Instead, the A’s slightly overachieved and never won anything meaningful.

More teams are incorporating on-base percentage and slugging into their strategies, but haven’t abandoned the old way completely. I applaud Billy Beane for his innovating thinking, but I’m not ready to label him a genius. Ideas can only be great if they get results. Unfortunately, this idea came up short on results. It allowed them to compete, but they still never ended up with a ring. I’m sorry Brad Pitt, you will not be getting my $25. It will go towards the Rocky VII fund.

            -Written by Marcus Boyd

The American Dream - A Success Story

             Good afternoon Ham Sandwich eaters. This won't be long. I want to get a post up between "You Can't Avoid Boyd" posts. Marcus' new post will be up tomorrow morning. I just have something I'd like to say. I was inspired today at work by my boss and would like to sum up his story real quick.

            I won't use his name for whatever reason you wouldn't use someone's name in a post. Let's just call him Ricky, which is kinda funny because he is Vietnamese. And I know what you're thinking but just read on and check out what this guy went through.

           Ricky was born in Vietnam to a very wealthy family. His grandfather was from France and owned a significant amount of land in Southern Vietnam. Ricky had a nanny and chauffeur growing up, so it wasn't the typical Vietnamese upbringing you're thinking of. However, curiosity took over and as a young teenager he moved away from the cushy life and began to live the life of a peasant. This lasted a few years until young Ricky was old enough to move to the U.S.A. and try to make something of himself.

           The move was successful and it wasn't long before little Ricky was a member of the United States Air Force. While a member of the Air Force, Ricky decided to become a pilot. His philosophy was; if you're going to do it, do it big! Well, I made that up but it fits. Either way, as a pilot during the Vietnam War, Ricky was sent back to his home country armed with bombs and missiles. Because he came over to the U.S. to make something of himself, the thought of bombing his home country was a necessary stepping stone. He knew how bad the communists were up North and was obligated to complete his mission. He did so with success until he was shot down near Hanoi. Hanoi was the most popular city in North Vietnam as was home to the notorious Hanoi Hilton. The Hanoi Hilton was a POW camp not known for customer service, if you get my drift. In case you don't get my drift. They treated those guys like shit, then they beat them, then they treated them worse.

            It was a typical move by anyone with captured enemies. You promise all kinds of cool stuff and maybe even give them some privileges in exchange for information. What you might not know is what they did after they got the information they wanted. They killed them. Straight up. If you didn't give in they would just continue to beat you and do other weird stuff. You were still useful if you had info. Once you gave it up there was no reason to have you anymore so they just killed you. Sounds like Boyd's philosophy with women. Anyway, Ricky dealt with the abuse for over 3 years until a POW release was agreed upon and he was able to return home.

            After that he got out of the service and used his incredible knowledge and work ethic to continue down the right path. Ricky became an Electronic Engineer and went on to work for the U.N. (United Nations) and the Pentagon. What he did with them is irrelevant, but as an electronics technician I'll tell you, it was very impressive. After continuing to better himself he sponsored his entire family so they could enjoy the freedoms of the United States. With his family here and a career on the right track maybe it was time to shut it down and cruise to retirement?

           No, Ricky wasn't satisfied with his role as an engineer and went to the management side. While a manager he brought an entire operation to his new company and continues to expand. Thanks to Ricky's success I was able to land a job with him. I have learned a lot already and I continue to learn every day. He actually just told me last week that he has his own business and is two years away from putting out a product. That's crazy to me and there are a few reasons why.

           First of all. This guy is a very small Vietnamese man. It was his incredible drive and willingness to do what he had to that allowed his to succeed. Growing up in Vietnam, coming to the U.S.A., going back to Vietnam as an Air Force Bomber, getting shot down and captured, spending over 3 years in a prison camp, coming back to the U.S., starting a new career and a family, bringing his whole Vietnamese family over here (legally) and continuing to better himself is just an incredible story. Second of all, I want you to look around at all the people out there that have everything handed to them. How are they doing? They lack the drive and will power to really make something of themselves. I'm not saying that I'm doing everything I need to do. I can do better and I know that. What bothers me are all the people that grow up in the greatest country in the world and just throw it away. They coast through life with no purpose or goals. Maybe a prison camp isn't the answer but it's a start.

           I am lucky man to have landed a job with a manager like this. He inspires me to apply myself a little more. I mean if this little Asian can do what he did then why can't I? I wanted to share this with you in hopes you'd get a little inspiration from it. If not, then you're probably just coasting towards the middle. Good luck with that, I'm setting my goals a little higher. Another important point of this story, because I enjoy the better things in life even though I can't always afford them, is this; he owns a Porsche, a Corvette, a really nice truck, a gorgeous watch and a lot of other really cool stuff around the house. When he told me about that, he simply said, "I worked very hard to get where I am and now I'm enjoying the better things in life." Speaking of that, I'm going to step it up. I'm going to take my Ham Sandwich around my neighborhood and get a Hand-job from someone that can close their door behind them. (they have a house)

You Can't Avoid Boyd - Limeys Heart Mark Zuckerberg

Limeys Heart Mark Zuckerberg

Last week, the Science Museum of England released the results of a month long poll they had been conducting. In conjunction with their newest display “Water Wars: Fighting the Food Crisis in the World Today”, 3,000 British adults were asked what they couldn’t live without (it appears basic food, shelter, basic clothing, and electricity were assumed for this poll.) Here is the top ten with other notable results:

1. Sunshine
2. Internet connection
3. Clean drinking water
4. Fridge
5. Facebook
6. National Health Service (or what Americans call insurance)
7. Cooker
8. Email
9. Flushing toilet
10. Mobile phone/smartphone

11. Tea/Coffee

15. Painkillers

22. Google

23. Car

24. Hair straighteners

27. Chocolate

35. Ebay

41. Spell Check

43. Pushup Bra

50. Twitter

You can view the full list here (http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/about_us/press_and_media/press_releases/2011/09/Feeling%20Flush.aspx) but some observations I noticed. First off, sunshine at #1?!? Really??? Have you ever met a British person with a tan? Is it even possible? Those wankers are paler than Caylee Anthony. Second, those polled would rather have Facebook than insurance, a working toilet, or any form of transportation. I realize it must be important to know the birthday of someone you haven’t talked to since you two were in kindergarten years ago, but that seems ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of Facebook. I go on regularly and am a fan of “The Social Network”. However, I’d rather have a car or use a light bulb (#40 on the list.) Most Brits would rather poke a Facebook friend and make a twosie in a hole than use a toilet, ignorant of their friends’ status. British people love technology as it dominated 20% of the top 50. I tried to check with my British friends to see if this was true for all people across the pond, but Dennis’ mom was too wasted to get back to me and Adam Welch won’t respond to my emails. Also, I’m not surprised caffeine was that high as there appears to be a Starbucks on every block. Painkillers at #15 surprised me unless some of my friends took this poll. Then, I’m surprised it wasn’t higher (literally).

If I were asked this question, here would be my ten answers in no particular order:

Flat screen TV- I would need it for…

Direct TV- Where else can you watch Steven Seagal movies on a random afternoon?

Clean Water- If you lived with me, you know I drink about a jug of water a night. In fact, the jug has been nicknamed “Agent Jug Bauer” by others. It was a better roommate than Niedermeyer.

Working Toilet- I don’t want to poop into a hole in the ground.

Car- Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

Internet- Home of the information superhighway (a.k.a. porn).

Alcohol- Ben Franklin said beer is proof God loves us and wants to make us happy. Amen to that.

Barbecue Grill- I grill every day all year round, not just the summer. Nothing says good times like grilling in a snowstorm.

Ketchup- I put ketchup on anything socially acceptable, even a few things that would disgust some of you.

Major League Baseball- I need one sport in my life and baseball runs the longest. The NFL just missed the cut.

             
               -Written by Marcus Boyd

Don't Ask, Don't Tell - Good or Bad?

                   Don't Ask, Don't Tell. That was the United States Military's policy when it came to homosexuals in the Armed Forces. What that means is, you can be in the military if you are gay as long as nobody knows about it. You can't be asked if you are gay, and you are not allowed to tell anyone that you are gay. Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Get it? Well as of today, September 20th 2011, that policy is no more. Homosexuals are allowed to be open and up front with their sexual preference. This is a huge win for gay rights and should be celebrated. However, is this really the best thing for our military?

                 Equality should be universal and it's something that I support fully. What worries me about this policy coming to an end is human nature and overwhelming ignorance. In a perfect world, this policy ending will have no adverse effects and everyone will carry on like normal. Unfortunately, we are not in a perfect world and allowing gay service members to be out and honest about their sexual preference will have negative affects where we really don't need them. Right on the front lines.

                 I'm going to break down the military into three groups. Infantry - these are the guys (females are not allowed to be in the infantry) that go on patrols, go behind enemy lines, look for the bad guys and do a majority of the fighting. FOBbits - These are the men and women that stay on the FOB (Forward Operating Base) and do whatever their job might be in support of the soldiers going outside the wire. Support and Security - These are the men and women that go outside the wire to provide support, security and various other duties that put them in harms way. Each of these groups have a very important job and cannot function without the other. They have been working together with minimal friction and with one goal in mind. WIN! Don't ask don't tell coming to an end will affect each group differently. Here's how.

                I would like to emphasize that each of these groups will be talked about when they are in the war zone and under a great deal of pressure. Don't think because I call them FOBbits they are living on easy street and out of harms way. There is a constant risk of mortar attack or random gunfire that looms over everyone, all the time.

               That being said, let's start with the FOBbits. If your job is a mechanic, a nurse, a cook, or any other job that keeps you on the FOB for a majority of your time, the end of don't ask don't tell won't have too much of an affect on you. For example, I was a member of the Electronics Section and spent a good deal of my time on the FOB fixing electronic equipment. I called my section Sergeant a fag all the time and if it turned out that he actually was gay, it wouldn't have changed how I did my job. For most of the FOBbits, their job is straight forward and the sexual orientation of their boss won't affect how well they perform. Whether they agree with that person's life choice is another story. But we are talking about the soldier's ability to effectively do their job. This policy ending will have minimal affects on the FOBbit group.

              We are going to move to the Support and Security group. This group is made up of the Engineers that go out and fix roads and move rubble. They also provide security and do patrols. Another member of this group are the men and women pulled from other units to provide convoy security, drive trucks, help with detainees and whatever else might take them off the FOB. The soldiers in this group have more interaction with each other and that allows them to be more tolerant in general. However, when completing their task there is enormous pressure to follow commands and trust the person in charge. If you don't do what you're told when you're told to do it, somebody can get killed. That's a fact. All the time spent training and preparing for situations that might come up allow these soldiers to form a bond and build trust. If you don't trust the person who is in charge of you, it's going to be very difficult to follow them into harms way. This policy will directly affect these soldiers whether you like it or not. For every person out there that supports equality, there are probably two people that don't. The jobs performed by these soldiers are relatively straight forward and a particular soldier's responsibility is known with some gray areas to account for the unexpected. That makes it a little easier on the soldiers involved because they know what their job is and it's not going to change because their commanding officer is gay. It will affect them if shit hits the fan and there is a lack of trust. Why is there a lack of trust you ask? Because you've been training and working with the same people for a while and now you find out that one of them is gay. For most of us, it's no big deal. It's not the "most of us" I'm worried about. I'm worried about the few or more that are not comfortable with openly gay soldiers. With the don't ask don't tell policy, that never came up. Yes, you'd have your suspicions but without confirmation it wouldn't affect your day-to-day life. Allowing soldiers to be be openly gay will affect the day-to-day life of a number of members of the military. It will be felt the most in the next group we talk about. The Infantry.

               I'm not going to sugar coat this. Allowing infantry soldiers to be openly gay will have a negative affect on how well the job gets done. Period. You have to understand how the infantry works. These guys spend a ridiculous amount of time together. They eat together, they sleep together, they shower together, they train together and they fight together. They have a bond with each other that most of us can't even grasp. The level of trust between infantry guys is, and needs to be, very strong. And let's be honest; if you were showering with a guy for the past two years and now you find out he's gay, it's going to change things. How it changes things will vary from one soldier to the next but change is inevitable. More importantly, if you've perceived someone a certain way for a long time and built up a level of trust and respect, that will change when you find out they are gay. These infantry guys need to be able to trust each other without thinking about it. They need to know that what they are being told is the right thing to do without question. If they second guess it, someone could get killed. These guys are going to have the overall trust and bond they've built up over the years altered significantly. It sounds bad, and you can say it won't matter until you're blue in the face. And for you, it might not. But these units are big and we need to think about everyone this affects. Even the ignorant and intolerant. This is how the world works and that's just the way it is. I'd love to live in a Utopia where everything works out for the best. But we don't and we need to realize how this affects everybody, good and bad.

               Now, a person being gay doesn't hinder their ability to do their job. Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying gay infantry soldiers are any less capable of performing on a high level, I'm saying that when they come out in the open about, it's going change how the entire unit operates. The reason is, there are just too many people out there that are not comfortable with homosexuals. Infantry guys, for the most part, are the gung-ho meat heads that fart on each other and wrestle. They don't have the exposure to the outside world that everyone else does. The close proximity that these guys live in will become very uncomfortable very quickly. It all comes down to trusting your battle buddy and I can't see how this policy coming to an end will do any good for the infantry guys on the front lines.

              I want to reiterate the fact that a gay soldier is just as capable of doing their job than anyone else. When it comes to job performance and ability, being gay has nothing to do with it. I know a lot of soldiers that were gay and I would have them next to me in a fox-hole any day of the week because they were damn good soldiers. I support equality and feel that everyone has the right to live their life the way they want, with whoever they want. What I think we overlooked here is how different the military is from any other work place in the world. I understand that these soldiers want to be honest and open about who they are. What I also understand is that when you join the Armed Forces you take on a higher responsibility to your Country. I wouldn't be surprised if the gay soldiers serving in the Infantry remain unnoticed for the greater good of their unit and their country. I hope I'm wrong and everything carries on without issues.

            Feel free to voice your opinions on this matter. I'm curious to know how people feel about this. And be honest, I was. Now I'm going to head down to the recruiters office with a Ham Sandwich and ask for and tell about the Hand-job I get for it.

You Can't Avoid Boyd - Waking up the Echoes

Waking Up the Echoes

Today, I am going to answer one of the questions people typically ask me: “Why do you cheer for the Notre Dame football team?”

The simple answer is I grew up in New York City, which would explain my love of the Yankees, Giants, Rangers, Knicks, and to a lesser degree, St. John’s basketball (Side bar: Nothing grinds my gears more than a NYC sports fan who cheers for all the local teams. How the hell can you cheer for both the Yankees and Mets?!? Or be a Giants and Jets fan?!?! I was only excited for the 2000 Subway Series because I knew the Mets sucked and would be an easier opponent than St. Louis.) Despite the popularity of sports in the city, college football was the exception. The television options were limited, but NBC carried all Notre Dame home games. This was a huge deal back then as they were one of the few colleges that had most their games televised nationally. Nowadays, each major conference has its own network coverage, there are a million sports channels to follow most games, and Notre Dame’s NBC television contract isn’t that big of a draw for recruits. If another team would have been on TV every week back then, I’d have cheered for them. Instead, I root for the Irish.

One thing I cannot be accused of is riding the Notre Dame bandwagon because they have never been that great since I cheered for them. As one of the most storied college football programs, most of their success happened before I was born. I was four years old the last time they won a national championship and had a Heisman Trophy winner. While I remember watching my first Notre Dame game (a victory over #1 ranked Florida State), I remember watching my second game, seeing the top rated Irish blow their chance for a national championship the following week with a loss to Boston College, led by ginger QB Glenn Foley.

Being a Notre Dame fan has led to more heartbreak for me as a sports fan than all my favorite teams put together. Perhaps the reasoning is Notre Dame is always hyped to be a contender. Some of the time it is warranted, most of the time is because of their history, not current performance. Another reason might be the perils as an independent football team. Since it is not committed to a conference, Notre Dame has a difficult task to make a BCS bowl game. It is guaranteed a BCS spot if it finishes in the top eight of the BCS standings and finishes ahead of one the champions from an automatic qualifying conference. In order to do that, Notre Dame can only afford to lose two games all year. That is a lot of pressure when their schedule typically has some pretty tough opponents. I realize every college fan is in the same boat, as one loss can ruin a chance for a championship, but other fans can take solace in being able to still win their conference despite a few losses. For Notre Dame, it’s ten wins or bust.

Until the return the glory I have been promised for so many years occurs, I will remain bitter. George O’Leary isn’t a great coach, he’s a liar. Reggie Bush cheated twice in college, not once (You can’t push a ball carrier forward). Rudy isn’t a running joke, he is an inspiration. Bob Davie isn’t a color commentator, he is a coaching train wreck. Charlie Weis is a guy who could coach an offense, not lead a team. Lou Holtz isn’t a lispy homer on ESPN with an honorary doctorate, he is a coaching legend. Denard Robinson is not Jesus Christ, he just plays like him every 2^nd week of September. I will continue trading somber phone calls and text messages with my buddy, Joey G, after each painful loss. I will wait for my loyalty to be rewarded.

              - Written by Marcus Boyd

Follow Your Heart vs. Use Your Head

"Follow your heart." "Use your head."

           These are two quotes you hear every other day and, quite frankly, they contradict each other. There are numerous situations that I've been in where I either needed to follow my heart, or use my head. Not both. It would bring me to a fork in the road, as they say. If I take a left turn I'm following my heart, or if I use my head I'm taking a right. Where the problem comes in is knowing what quote to listen to and what turn to make. As always, I'll run through a scenario or two with you, to give you an idea.

           Football season has just started and that means fantasy football season started as well. This is the first scenario and it's a pretty difficult one to come to terms with. As a football fan I'm sure you have a favorite team. You follow that team every Sunday and you hate, with a passion, all the rivals of said favorite team. However, when it comes to fantasy football, it's not about your favorite team. It's about getting the best players to score the most points so you can win all the money. And when it comes to gambling, you need to be smart. When you need to be smart, you use your head. You have to be able to completely separate yourself from your favorite team, and draft your players based on projected performance. I'm guilty of not picking a player because they were on the New York Giants or the Dallas Cowboys and it was wrong. I should have used my head and picked the best player. I went with my heart and my overwhelming hatred for the Giants and Cowboys. I've learned my lesson and I'm trying to pass it on. When it comes to gambling, you absolutely need to use your head! How about we take a look at the other hand.

          Wedding season is just about over and that gets everybody all excited about the future. Now, when it comes to relationships you need to follow your heart. I'm not speaking from experience, I haven't followed my heart yet. But from what I understand and my incredible ability to learn from other people's mistakes, following your heart is the way to go. Because let's be honest, if you used your head you'd be single forever. So when you get to the fork in the road and the signs read, "Left turn to the woman I love." and "Right turn, that bitch is crazy." I know the first instinct would be to jerk that wheel to the right and hit the gas. Because we all know, that bitch is crazy. It doesn't even matter who we're talking about here. If it's a woman, she's crazy. There are different levels of course and some hide it better than others, but they're all crazy. Pardon my overuse of the word crazy. It just fits, and I am speaking from experience on this one. Anyway, back to the fork. You need to follow your heart, because as nuts as this girl/guy may be. You love them. And when it comes down to it, in the long run. All you need is love.

          Those are the two most prevalent scenarios involving the conflict between the head and heart. What you need to do in almost every situation is step back, take a deep breath, and think. Try this, when a situation presents itself that leaves you unsure where to go. Think, what would Pat do? When it comes to head vs. heart conflicts, I am a fantastic decision maker. Please don't confuse this with the conflict between the little head and big head. That's a completely different story. And it's a much more difficult battle. I always listen to the little head when I metro into D.C. and get a Hand-job for a Ham Sandwich. It might not be the smartest thing I do this weekend, but it'll get done. Good Luck!

You Can't Avoid Boyd

Hope and Other Obtuse Thoughts for the 2011 NFL Season

“Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

            -Red from “The Shawshank Redemption”

This has been one of the most tumultuous off-seasons in NFL history. There was a four month long lockout, which caused free agency and training camp to be crammed into a four week period. People scrambled to follow their team’s moves. Rookies and other younger players did not have the time to learn their new teams’ systems as they normally would have. Yet, everyone is now breathing a sigh of relief as tonight will be the opening kickoff of the 2011 season. Fans will now be able to forget about the off-season mindfuck and be able to watch the game they all love.

The best thing about Week 1 is your team still has a chance to win it all. Granted, Vegas may think Green Bay has a better chance of holding the Lombardi Trophy than Cincinnati this year, but everyone is still in the hunt come Week 1. It’s all about hope. There is no reason why Dolphins fans shouldn’t be thinking their season is over before it started because the most cheered quarterback in training camp starts for the Broncos. Redskins fans should feel confident that Rex Grossman is predicting a division championship. Cowboys fans shouldn’t let the fact they have won only one playoff game in the last 15 years get in the way of their aspirations for this season. Giants fans shouldn’t let their Greek tragedy of an off-season ruin their thoughts of returning to the playoffs for the first time since 2008. Every fan has hope at the start of the season. But as our friend Red reminds us, hope can be a dangerous thing.

Hope is one thing. Reality is another. All four teams in the NFC East will not make the playoffs this year, meaning myself (Giants), Pat (Eagles), Shawn (Cowboys), or the DC faithful (Redskins) will have their hope shattered. Hope doesn’t mean success. It allows for the possibility of success. It can be a very dangerous thing, but it can also be an unbelievable thing. How do you think Kansas City fans last season felt when nothing was expected from them, then seeing a division title come their way? Only the most devoted fans of the 1999 St. Louis Rams could have been optimistic for their upcoming season, after seeing starter Trent Green tear his knee in the preseason, with unknown QB Kurt Warner leading the team. Their hope was rewarded with a Lombardi trophy and one of the most prolific offenses in NFL history.

“Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

            -Andy Dufresne from “The Shawshank Redemption”

Predictions for the year:

· AFC playoff teams (Bold teams for the division winners): Jets, Ravens, Texans, San Diego, Patriots, Steelers

· NFC playoff teams: Eagles, Packers, Saints, Cardinals, Falcons, Cowboys

· Super Bowl XLVI prediction: Packers over Ravens

· Giants finish the season 7-9 and Tom Coughlin is fired

· Peyton Manning returns in Week 5, and the Colts finish 2^nd in the AFC South

· Current coaches who won’t be coaching their team after the year (other than Coughlin): Jack Del Rio, Marvin Lewis, Chan Gailey, Tony Sparono, Mike Shanahan

                       -Written by Marcus Boyd

You Can't Avoid Boyd - Livin' in the District

Livin’ in the District

During the cockblock known as Hurricane Irene, I noticed a guy jogging in front of my house. I should mention that it was pouring rain at the time, as it had been all day. I should also mention that this didn’t surprise me, as I have grown accustomed to many things living in the DC metro area, such as:

DC is a fit town: Since the weather in this area is nice April-November with the occasional “what the fuck” warm week in January, you will constantly see people running, biking, and playing various sports. Adult sports teams are popular, ranging from rugby through kickball. Personally, I have played kickball, dodgeball, softball, and flag football for rec teams as I have been down here. I’m not saying kickball is a strenuous sport, but it’s better than just going right to the bar after work. Having been to a few different gyms in the area, there is no shortage of people working out as well.

DC dislikes snow: The first time it snowed while I was down here, it snowed approximately half an inch. It took me an extra hour to drive to work due to all the traffic. Either people were driving three miles an hour or crashed their Camaro after going 95 mph. You typically have to deal with the “You call this a snowstorm?!? You should see it snow where I grew up in (insert buttfuck town)” person, which gets annoying. The area typically has too many salt trucks on the road when it barely snows and not enough for actual deserving snow storms. While I thought the area handled the two snowpocalyspes (multiple joggers didn’t let two feet of snow stop their normal run) well in 2010, they dropped the ball on the 2011 ice storm. If you don’t believe me, ask all the people who were on the road for several hours, stuck in traffic.

DC loves football: If you are a local, you are in love with the Redskins. Loyalty runs deep despite the fact they have won one playoff game in the last decade. Even my girlfriend, who knows as much about sports as Casey Anthony knows about child rearing, follows the ‘Skins. Since only 46 people are actually from DC, everyone cheers for their favorite teams. Bars are constantly packed on Sundays as there is a team bar for most NFL teams. Otherwise, DC doesn’t care much about sports. I heard DC was a basketball town when I moved here, but support has faded with each Wizards losing season. Hockey is popular now as the Capitals bandwagon is pretty full. However, it will tip over one day and people will go back to not knowing what icing is. As for the Nationals, DC residents attend games to drink, not watch baseball. The Bullpen (bar across from the stadium) and the Red Loft (actual stadium bar) is always crowded, while the seats remain empty. The only big crowds come when there is a good opponent in town. Even then, they head to the bar.

DC hates motorists: There is always traffic in this area. Some is due to the constant construction going on. Luckily, they do a lot of this during the night, which helps during rush hour but blows if you drive at night. Some is caused from the logistical nightmares of the area’s highways. Major highways dumping into other major highways and the sudden disappearance of lanes provide these daily clusterfucks. Another reason for traffic is rubbernecking. Anytime there is an accident or a cop with his lights on, traffic comes to a halt in DC. It doesn’t matter if the damaged car is off to the shoulder and not in the way of other drivers, everyone will drive by super slow to stare at it. I think rubbernecking should be a traffic violation, like speeding.

Other than the traffic and suck-ass sports teams, DC is a pretty great area. Nice weather, a million entertainment options, and enough homeless people who know the value of a ham sandwich.

          
                         -Written by Marcus Boyd