Hit the Bricks Sports, It’s Time for Rock and Roll
I am not going to subject you to another post about the
replacement refs. Since last week’s post, we’ve seen Bill Belichick try to grab
a ref, Kyle Shanahan run down a ref, and the Green Bay Packers lose a game
after a controversial ruling. On the bright side, there are rumblings this
lockout may end as early as this week and Golden Tate has finally done
something newsworthy since his collegiate days at Notre Dame. I know I can use
a break from sports this week, so let’s talk about the cult classic “Airheads”.
“Airheads” is a 1994 comedy about a struggling rock band
called “The Lone Rangers”, hoping to catch their big break by playing a song on
the radio. When the opportunity to play their demo tape is denied, they hold
the studio hostage with water guns (which looked like real guns). Hijinx ensues
throughout this 90 minute film, ending with “The Lone Rangers” becoming loved,
incarcerated, and famous all at the same time. “Airheads” is even dumber than
my brief description. I am not going to say how awesome this movie is because,
despite its rewatchability, it’s a piece of crap. However, this movie might
have the best inadvertent ensemble cast of our generation.
I say inadvertent because none of the actors and actresses
from “Airheads” was real famous beforehand. Let’s look at the cast:
-Brendan Fraser played Chazz, lead singer of “The Lone
Rangers”. Before this movie, he played the frozen caveman in “Encino Man”.
Since “Airheads”, he’s done a dickload of movies and is considered a movie star
despite the fact I don’t own any of his movies on DVD, and I own a ridiculous
amount of DVDs.
-Steve Buscemi played Rex, the guitarist. He was in
“Reservoir Dogs” prior, but blew up after this movie. He has never been a
leading man, but he’s a solid supporting actor. His true calling has been HBO
television, where he received great reviews for his guest work on “The
Sopranos” and has portrayed Nucky Thompson the last few years in “Boardwalk
Empire”. He’s the acting equivalent of Scottie Pippen; you don’t want him
running the show, but can take over at points when he isn’t being a great wing
man.
-Adam Sandler played Pip, the drummer. This was Adam
Sandler’s first major role in a movie. Prior to this, he was the silly guy on
“Saturday Night Live” who sang about shoving shampoo bottles up your ass. Since
then, he has made funny movies (“Billy Madison”, “Happy Gilmore” “The
Waterboy”), serious movies (“Reign Over Me”, “Punch-Drunk Love”), and cinematic
abortions (everything since 2010). Even his shitty movies do well at the box
office. He is probably worth $1 billion dollars. God damn it. He does deliver
the funniest line in the movie when he threatens to stab someone in the eye
with his dick.
-Joe Mantegna played the DJ Ian the Shark. He was probably
the most famous guy at the time this movie was made. Our generation knows him
for his work on “Criminal Minds” and the actor whose name sounds like Joe
Montana.
-Michael McKean played Milo, the uptight station manager,
while Ernie Hudson played Sgt. O’Malley, the main cop. I lump them both
together because they both were known for prior roles (McKean was in “Spinal
Tap” and “Laverne & Shirley”, while Hudson was the black Ghostbuster), and
both have been “That Guy” in several of your favorite movies or television
shows. They will never play a major role, but they are tremendous in a smaller
role. They’re like Steve Kerr; in the right group, they can perform beyond
their abilities and accentuate the rest of the group.
-Chris Farley played Officer Wilson, O’Malley’s right hand
man. He was early into his movie career and when he was in “Airheads”. Based on
his SNL success, he hit it big with “Tommy Boy” in 1995 and became a top
comedic movie star. He celebrated this by doing all the drugs in the world
until his heart said no mas. Chris Farley was too beautiful for this world.
-Amy Locane played Chazz’s girlfriend. She never hit it big.
In fact, the only thing she hit was some vehicle with her SUV in a 2010
accident. She was drunk (BAC of 0.268)
when she crashed into another car, killing that driver and critically
injuring the passenger. She will stand trial sometime this year for vehicular
manslaughter. Hopefully, she has retained the new Speasy attorney.
-Michael Richards played Doug, a rigid station employee. He
was a huge star at the time this movie was made, known for his role on
“Seinfeld” as Kramer. Despite receiving critical acclaim for Kramer, he never
did too much after the show and he never made it in movies. Any chance for a
comeback ended in 2006 when he called some black hecklers the n-word and made
some racially insensitive comments.
-David Arquette played Carter, a surfer station employee. He
was part of the “Scream” movies. His role as a dumbass cop didn’t garner any
Oscar consideration, but it led to him consensually fucking Courtney Cox to the
point they were married for several years. You lucky bastard.
-Reg E. Cathey played Marcus, a black activist station
employee. His racially motivated one-liners provided entertainment throughout
the movie. He played Tommy Carcetti’s campaign manager in “The Wire”. This is
my opportunity to state how “The Wire” was the greatest television drama of our
time.
There you have it. A star studded cast. I didn’t even
mention some of the other actors in this movie. Harold Ramis, Judd Nelson,
Allen “Grandma’s Boy” Covert, Rob Zombie, Mike Judge (creator and voice of
“Beavis and Butthead”) and “Stuttering” John Melendez all had small roles/cameos
. No one is going to confuse “Airheads” with “Citizen Kane”, but it’s no
“Freddy Got Fingered” either. Next time it is on and you have nothing else to
do, take a seat and enjoy this 1-1/2 hour masterpiece.
-Written by Marcus Boyd
