You Can’t Avoid Boyd
The Washington Nationals Can Suck My Dick
This year, the two beltway baseball teams, the Washington
Nationals and the Baltimore Orioles, were two of the biggest surprises and made
the playoffs. Washington DC hadn’t hosted a playoff game since 1933 (granted,
they didn’t have team for 34 of those years) while Baltimore hadn’t hosted a
game since 1997. Even though both teams were eliminated in the first round of
the playoffs, it was good to see both cities get swept up in the postseason.
The joy was short term as corporate greed reared its ugly head.
As both teams played in the first round, they sold tickets
for their next potential series, the League Championships. This is customary
for all sports teams. If that team was eliminated in their current round, you
would either get a full refund or your money goes towards your season ticket
plan. However, the Washington Nationals and Baltimore Orioles decided to charge
a $6 non-refundable service charge on all of their playoff games, regardless if
the game was played or not. The teams claim the fee helps offset the cost of
printing and mailing these tickets.
The Nationals and the Orioles are not the only teams to
adhere to this bullshit policy. There were five other contending teams who
reserved the right of keeping these service charges as well. Most teams backed
off this practice after 2002, when New York State Attorney General Eliot “I
Heart the Whores” Spitzer fought the New York Yankees. The Yankees earned
approximately $1.5 million in non-refundable service charges that year for
games that were never played. Spitzer was able to get the team to give back 90%
of those fees, allowing the team to keep the other 10%.
The reason why the Nationals specifically, and not the other
six teams, can fellate me is three fold.
One, I purchased two tickets for Game 2 of the NLCS. The
cheapest pair of tickets I could find came to about $160. I had no problem with
that. The fact I am not getting back that $6 really chaps my ass. Who the hell
are you, Washington Nationals, to deem yourself worthy of this fee? The
capacity of Nationals Park for a playoff game (more standing room only tickets
are sold than normal) is about 45,000. The Nationals were going to host four
possible games in the series. If the stadium sold out each game and everyone
bought two tickets (the maximum), the Nationals would make about $540,000 off
of fee alone. That’s a pretty high amount considering the Nationals did nothing
for this. There is no way printing and mailing tickets cost this much.
Second, I am still waiting for my refund. I bought my
tickets two weeks ago. The Nationals were eliminated on October 12th.
Game 2 of the World Series is going to be played tonight and I don’t even have
my refund from game 2 of the NLCS. According to the message boards, the
Nationals are the only playoff team that hasn’t issued refunds yet. This
includes the New York Yankees and the St. Louis Cardinals, teams that advanced
to their respective LCS and were eliminated within the last week. One media
outlet is reporting it may take up to six weeks to issue all the refunds. There
is a lot more money at play with this than the $540,000 we talked about last
paragraph. While they will refund this huge surplus, they’ll get be able to
pocket the interest. We are talking about a six-figure interest dividend.
Considering the extra money they made for hosting three playoff games and the
extra fees/interest they “earned”, the Nationals can’t complain financially of
their short trip to the postseason. I know they weren’t willing to shell out
the extra money needed to keep the Metro open late, those cheap bastards.
Living Social was willing to foot that bill, despite it never coming down to
it. Such a grand gesture considering a majority of its fans takes the Metro to
and from games.
Third, eight hours after their heartbreaking Game 5 loss to
the Cardinals, a few National insiders got an email regarding the team’s
pre-sale of World Series tickets. What an incredibly thoughtless kick to the
balls for this tortured fan base. The Nationals were nine outs away from
advancing, only to watch their bullpen choke away a three run lead over the
final three innings. They were up two in the top of the 9th, with
their stud closer on the mound. One of baseball’s truly devastating collapses
and the Nationals’ box office can’t even think to cancel the automatic emails
set up to deliver to the fans the next day. I wonder what those fans felt like
after seeing that email on Saturday morning. I sure they felt like they had
woken up on Christmas morning, only to realize they were Jewish.
I wish the Nationals would nut up and do the right thing,
but I know they won’t. If fans bail on them over this issue, they won’t care.
Too many people are on the bandwagon right now that will replace them and they
are blinded by foolish pride. We’ve seen this happen with the Washington
Capitals before, back when there was a hockey league. The thoughts of Steven
Strasburg pitching with a longer leash and Bryce Harper having a full season
under his belt will excite Nats fans in 2013. However, all is not golden in DC.
Their revered starting rotation shit the bed against the Cards (Supposed Cy
Young Winner Gio Gonzalez struggled through ten innings in two starts). Their
2013 rotation will probably be without Edwin Jackson and they will have to
depend on surprise playoff stud Ross Detwiler. In 2012, the Nationals were
saved by their bullpen. Bullpens are always hit or miss, with no exact science
to it. Who knows if they can pitch as well, if not better, next season. And
while their lineup will have some money to spend, they might have some holes to
deal with. If Adam LaRoche leaves, the team will need a first basemen or an
outfielder (if Michael Morse replaces him).I wish the Nationals well going forward. I’d even wish them
good luck if they gave me back my six fucking dollars some time before
Halloween. If my Natitude offends any of you, you can fuck your dick.
-Written by Marcus Boyd
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