You Can't Avoid Boyd

Lost on the Information Super-Highway

On Tuesday, my work building lost all Internet access. Since our Internet affects our DOS-based system, Intranet, and printers, it is a huge inconvenience. Typically, these disconnections last for a few minutes before being fixed. We were without Internet access for approximately six hours on Tuesday. By Wednesday, we were back online and all was well. Until noon that is, when once again, we lost Internet access for the remainder of the day. Since I’m a pretty major player in my company, I was told by the higher-ups what is causing these problems. Apparently, Verizon is replacing our Internet lines with T1 cables next week. Until then, our current copper lines are subject to losing service when the temperatures are high. This makes me ponder two questions: are you fucking kidding me and how the hell did people work in the 1980’s?

I find it comical that a multi-million dollar company in 2011 doesn’t have working Internet due the latest “heat wave” to hit Northern Virginia. This heat wave includes temperatures a few degrees higher than the average for this time. It’s not as if this area is new to a high in the upper 90s. Luckily, my branch is not completely lost during this inconvenient truth. A few associates have remote access laptops, which I have been blessed to use during this time. It allows me to utilize two functions: writing orders/bids to customers, where the computer moves at the same speed as two old people fornicating and checking my email, which is working at a good half hour delay. A simple five minute customer transaction in the past now takes about 20 minutes. I am surprised we even have cable lines at this point and not dial-up. Not good times.

My work characteristics can be described as strong work ethic, dependable, and accountable. I can also be described as a time thief. The Internet was my place to escape from the harsh realities of big pipe and enter a world of limitless possibilities. My computer has been known to frequent ESPN.com and deadspin.com, as well as my fantasy teams. Now, I’m stuck to drawing obscene pictures on Microsoft Paint. How did people work in the 1980’s where the Internet was still being worked on by Al Gore? Where did they slack off during the work day? No wonder so many people were addicted to Nintendo and blow during the Reagan years. I know this is a great opportunity for my elder associates to tell us how it was in the old days, but guess what? The old days sucked and that’s why we have the technology we currently enjoy today.

This week’s post is just a friendly reminder not to take the Internet for granted. It’s not just for pornographic material and online betting. Twenty years ago, the only way Pat could have conveyed his daily thoughts would have been to pass out a pamphlet every day, hoping people would read it. He’d look like someone who needed a ham sandwich. Instead, he gets to type out his musings instantly without having to succumb to having to wear pants and looks like a guy who gives away ham sandwiches at his discretion.

         -Written by Marcus Boyd