From Josh, With Love

I told my friend that I would contribute to his blog months ago. However, since I am a busy man (getting drunk/masturbating), I have been unable to find time. But a deal is a deal so here I am. I was going to write about Congressman Weiner’s controversial cock shot but Boyd already stole my thunder. I still have a few questions, like, how is it possible that guy’s name is Weiner, why don’t women ever get in trouble in the same manner and what was the IT Department’s reaction at Boyd’s job when they saw he googled “gay sex/dick scandals”? However, I won’t shoot a dead horse.

What I want to talk about is freedom of expression. I believe in it, that’s why I support anything my friend(s) post on this website. So you could understand my confusion when I heard that the UK is banning “Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence”. For those of you who don’t know (or who aren’t excited by ass to mouth mutilation), Human Centipede was a 2010 horror film where the protagonist sews people together anus to mouth to create one digestive system. The second installment is poised to be even more offensive, prompting the UK Film Board to say this:

"It is the Board’s conclusion that the explicit presentation of the central character’s obsessive sexually violent fantasies is in breach of its Classification Guidelines and poses a real, as opposed to a fanciful, risk that harm is likely to be caused to potential viewers.”

My first reaction is, this movie is going to be the tits. My second is, Bullshit. This movie may not be everyone’s cup of tea but “harm viewers”. Is anyone going to see this movie and start sewing people together? Does the UK think there is going to be mass suicide as a result of how troubled people become when they view this movie? No. The same way society isn’t worse off because of Huck Finn, Tropic of Cancer, Catcher in the Rye, and other works that were once banned.

I exercise my right to free speech but it doesn’t mean I’m deeply troubled because of the offensive things I say (although in this case I am). Most of the time I’m just joking. Because I say “Rihanna probably deserved it” doesn’t mean I condone domestic violence, no matter how hysterical. Just because I name my fantasy team “Morgan’s Rape Stand” doesn’t mean I support dog fighting (except if it makes my trifecta at the Greyhound track) or sexual assault (unless done to “afternoon delight” by Boyd’s Uncle). Incidentally I also have nothing against Morgan. In fact, I like her more than half the people she lives with (sorry Anna). My point is saying something or viewing something or filming something offensive doesn’t mean you are destroying people. I thought the UK would know this.

In an experiment that is completely false and which the results are entirely made up, people who watch Human Centipede II are 50% less likely to commit a violent crime, drop out of school, or take drugs than those that watched the entire royal wedding. Maybe you should think about what you are banning, UK. At least the movie is fiction, unlike where the inspiration came from, which was Nazi human experiments. So next time the Brits want to ban something, maybe they should go to the theatre, bring a ham sandwich, sit in the last row and relax.
             -Written By Josh