The Germans Are At It Again - Sorry Jews

               Germany really hates the Jews. Okay, let me explain. A German court recently ruled that religious circumcision of young boys was an assault. Yes, an assault. Making it illegal. A regional court in western Germany stated, "the fundamental rights of the child to bodily integrity outweighed the fundamental rights of the parents." It went on to say that circumcision leads to grievous bodily harm. The court continued to give it to the Hebrews declaring that the parents' religious beliefs and right to educate their children would not be compromised if they were forced to wait until the child was old enough to decide for himself on the procedure. Oh, I should state that this only applies to circumcisions for religious reasons. The court specified the circumcision is not illegal if performed for medical purposes. So if you read between the lines like I do, you'll come to the same conclusion. Germany really hates the Jews.

               Let's just pretend the Holocaust didn't happen. This would still be a pretty anti-Semitic move by the Germans. If the court would have ruled it was illegal no matter what, that'd be one thing. But to outlaw the procedure only if it's done for religious reasons is downright mean. I'm not a Jew sympathiser or anything; but I don't have anything against them or their religious beliefs. I don't have anything against anyone for that matter. Except illegal immigrants, but that's a blog for another time. Back to the story.

               I was circumcised and I'm damn glad I wasn't old enough to remember. Allow me to run through a scenario of a young Jewish child who didn't have this done as an infant. I don't know what it's like growing up in a Jewish family so I won't speculate how bad it sucks not celebrating Christmas. I'll just focus on the story at hand. Or should I say, in hand. BOOM! Anyway, imagine growing up and realizing that you have a penis. You think it looks kind of weird but you don't know any better. You finally reach the age where you discover porn; I'll say it's 11. It was for me anyway. So you browse the magical land of nudity and start to realize that your junk is a little different than others. There are a few that look the same, but it's just creepy. As a young Jewish boy, you do your due diligence and investigate the issue. You find that women prefer a circumcised penis and research suggests it's healthier for a man when it comes to STDs. (I'm assuming the little haggler is good with the internet.) You're not entirely sure what STDs are but now you're curious. You ask your father what the deal is and the conversation starts.

              He tells you all about the religious background of the "snip" and why you didn't get it done as a child in the Jew hating country of Germany. Now the decision is yours. Wait, what? "I caught my dick in my zipper and cried for three hours, now you want me to willingly cut the tip off?" Let the rebellion begin. As weird as it looks, and yes I've seen an uncircumcised penis before, I don't know if I'd be able to go to the doctor to have it cut off. Not as an adolescent who is very fond of the ole' hammer right about now. It wouldn't get any easier as I got older either. The best time to have this procedure done is clearly when you are an infant and will never remember. Plus, you're crying about everything, you probably don't even feel it.

              It's not assault. If you are allowing it for medical purposes, it can't be assault. You are only outlawing it for religious reasons because you hate the Jews. Am I right Germany? Yes, of course I am. Let me revisit the big issues here while I conclude.

             Germany has lost its mind. You can't say something is assault if it's done for one reason and not assault if it's done for another reason. That's crazy. Circumcision needs to be done as an infant. I think it should be done to everyone because it's healthier. I know this is still up for debate but all the research I've read points to "healthier." So if you think it's not, you are certainly entitled to your own opinion. It's wrong, but you're entitled to it. To make my stand against Germany and their Jew hating ways; I'll travel to Cafe Berlin in Capitol Hill. I'll take out "the Captain" and get a Hand-job for a Ham Sandwich from one of the native cooks in the kitchen. Yes, I call him "the Captain." If you ever had the pleasure of dealing with him, you'd understand.