Rabble Rabble Rabble: Snippets from the Weekend
Instead of focusing 800 words on one topic, I’m gonna post
random thoughts on an array of things from the past weekend. You might be
thinking “What a cop-out. Write a full post, douchebag”. Eh, whatever, fuck
you. Billy Cundiff, stop reading immediately.
-I hope you don’t own your place in Maryland, Billy Cundiff,
I hope that you rent.
-The following people will always drink for free if they are
in my presence: Natalie Portman, the guy that invented blowjobs, and Kyle
Williams.
-While Billy Cundiff will catch all the heat (deservingly
so) for the loss, Lee Evans deserves his fair share of the blame. How the hell
do you not secure the game winner?!?
-I don’t watch a lot of commercials due to DVRing and my
ability to change the channel, but there are some awful ones out there. You’re
the Egg McMuffin of my fill in the blank. God awful. The only thing worse than
that one is the Budweiser commercial where some slap dick is blurting out
things that suck while the crowd counters with more positive things. Finally,
Mr. Glass is Half Empty mentions his cute neighbor Sarah and joins the happy
crowd with some playful high-fives. We all know this guy will either rape
Sarah, kill Sarah, or both after his night of drinking Bud Heavies with his new
friends.
-I think Ed Hochuli should spend more time explaining his
calls. Jesus Christ, does he get paid by the word? I could have watched a movie
in the time he explained the non-reversal of Vernon Davis’ first TD. I think if
you asked Hochuli what time it was, he’d explain to you how a watch worked.
Keep it simple, Gun Show.
-The Republican Party has a nice little problem on their
hands. Three men going for one spot. I don’t know how they believe they can
take over the presidency when their party is that divided. Don’t forget the
turd in the punch bowl, Ron Paul.
-After Joe Flacco was dissed by his teammate, Ed Reed, every
ESPN analyst said this matter should have been in-house. While that all sounds
good, it’s impossible. Between social media & everyone’s access to post
online immediately, and overall media coverage, nothing can be private. Don’t
believe me. Ten years ago, Brian Downing would be a free man, bragging to his
frat brahs about teabagging some LSU turd. Now, he’s in prison, charged with
sexual battery.
-There’s the Alex Smith we all know and love.
-I wished I could have stormed the court/field once in my
life. Unfortunately, Bloomsburg never pulled off any great upsets during my
distinguished four year academic career.
-There’s nothing better than your team being in the Super
Bowl and being old enough to celebrate properly. After Super Bowl XLII, I
trashed my living room, threw a keg across the street, threw up in four
different spots, fell asleep outside, and was found rummaging through the
basement at 2:30 am, looking for a fondue set. Good times.
-Before I told my girlfriend that previous story, she was an
8 on the worried scale from 1 to 10 for this year’s Super Bowl. Now, she is a
214 and the number is rising.
-I am glad Domino’s addressed the serious issue of not
enough cheese on their cheesy bread. Now, we can have our top scientists focus
all of their attention on curing cancer.
-My predictions for the NFL season were mixed. I
successfully picked seven out of 12 playoff teams with Arizona being the only
team I was way off on. I butchered all the Peyton/Colts predictions and was
spotty on my coach firings. My 7-9 prediction for the Giants was off due to the
late winning streak, which saved Tom Coughlin’s job. I still don’t understand
how Mike Shanahan, his fake tan, and his cunty son are still in DC.
-Ryan Braun accepting his MVP trophy this weekend without
explaining his failed drug test = Pure balls
-If I was given the choice of seeing a double feature of the
new Reese Witherspoon and Dwyane “The Rock” Johnson movies or getting kicked in
the nuts by Billy Cundiff, I’m gambling on another wide left.
-Who knew Steven Tyler hated America? Honestly, how can you
be a professional singer and fuck up the National Anthem? I realize there is
pressure, but you are used to it. I realize there have been worst renditions
(Roseanne Barr and Carl Lewis come to mind), but this American Idol judge joins
the ranks of music stars who dishonored the red, white, and blue.
-Joe Paterno’s passing. When I asked the biggest Penn St.
fan I know on his thoughts, he said he had wished it happened four months ago.
His views weren’t bitter, but rather a sense of the coach not having to deal
with the fallout. That is completely understandable considering the recent
events. Not that his death would have exonerated him, but it would have led to
a more peaceful end for JoePa and history tends to go easier on the non-living.
The coach shouldn’t be forgotten for his role in this ordeal, but he shouldn’t
be defined entirely by it either.
-I think Josh loves footnotes more than Pat loves giving up
ham sandwiches.
-Written by Marcus Boyd
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