Marcus Boyd’s Excellent Adventure: The Grab a Cold One & Suck It Off Edition
This week’s latest edition features Oyster Riot XIVII at Old Ebbitt Grill in DC and my thoughts about some colleges that have been in the news lately (because even I can’t write 500 words about eating oysters.)
Old Ebbitt Grill is the oldest bar in DC, opening in 1856. President William McKinley lived there when he was in Congress and has been known as the drinking spot for several presidents throughout the years. It has moved a few times, but currently resides right by the Washington Monument. It’s pretty cool blacking out at the same bar where Teddy Roosevelt drunkenly brawled in. Old Ebbitt is also known for its seafood. Every year since 1994, they host Oyster Riot the weekend before Thanksgiving. You buy a ticket, and you get to eat all the oysters and drink all the wine you can in a three hour period. Typically, this event sells out within hours, but due to rising costs (Tickets went for $135 this year) and the downward economy (Thanks Obama), Oyster Riot did not sell out. Since $135 for me is five lost blackjack bets, I figured what the hell. It’s a known DC event, the girlfriend wanted to go, and you only live once.
The title of today’s blog references my friend Red Bear’s Vegas advice on how to eat an oyster (complete with using all five fingers to hold the oyster.) I should point out Red Bear was completely sober when he gave this advice, and everyone who heard this story thinks he described how to orally please a man. Blowjobs be damned, it was time to decimate oysters and wine. Anyone who thinks I didn’t eat over 100 oysters and slam at least 10 glasses of wine can stop being my friend immediately. The wine stations were empty and there were plenty of oysters on the half shell for Boyd and company. My only complaint was they shut off the wine service right away. Some ran out of wine altogether, but others re-corked their supply and got the fuck out. Also, boo to the lady who commandeered our stolen bottle of wine. I worked hard stealing that bottle, and she took it as soon as it was nabbed. What a c word. By the end of the night, it became apparent that not everyone was ready for this Riot. Out of my group of four girls and two guys, two people passed out on the Metro for over two hours, one person lost their apartment keys, and one person projectile vomited all over the floor of their bed room. Good times.
Onto the college scene, my condolences go out to Oklahoma State. Last Thursday, their women’s hoops coach and an assistant coach were among the four victims of a deadly airplane crash. This brought back memories of another plane crash that occurred in 2001, when ten men affiliated with the OSU basketball team died. While this is different than the Marshall plane crash in the 1970’s where the entire football team perished, I can’t imagine what it is like for this community to be dealing with these two tragedies within a decade.
I am not going to dive much into the Penn State scandal as the media has tackled every angle already (including on this blog), but I will talk about the one thing really grinding my gears. The football team and the students should not be penalized for this scandal. Several writers have suggested that Penn State should have forfeited the season as soon as the reports hit and others have suggested they turn down any bowl invitations. Why should the current team, who had nothing to do with any of this, pay for the actions of a few men, who have since been removed from the team? Even more ludicrous, I heard that some students are losing their internships and/or not being considered for jobs due to attending PSU. Last I checked Penn State was still a good academic institution. The actions of Jerry Sandusky and everyone involved should be dealt with accordingly, but this is getting ridiculous. I don’t view my PSU friends any differently, and neither should anyone else.
Last, Syracuse University was rocked by a child sex abuse scandal as two former ball boys claim longtime men’s basketball assistant coach, Bernie Fine, had molested them back in the day. The head coach, Jim Boeheim, is defending his coach, who has been placed on administrative leave, and claiming there was no cover-up (Specifically telling the media last week “I am no Joe Paterno”.) Obviously, no one knows if this actually occurred. However, the timing seems real fishy on this. The victims claim seeing the PSU story break allowed them to be comfortable enough to report the past alleged abuse. Also, one of the victims reported this to police and ESPN in 2005, but both dismissed this as there no evidence or corroboration to indicate these acts occurred. The school also investigated this matter at the time and came up with nothing. This only came to light when a second victim, the first victim’s stepbrother, came forward. I am not going to defend this coach yet, because you just don’t know. However, in light of both of these stories coming out this month, I hope this sheds light for the NCAA and schools all around to start monitoring coaches. All “South Park” jokes aside, this is a serious and disturbing trend. Even if Fine is cleared and this is a hoax, a serious problem has been addressed and needs to be corrected.
To end on a positive non-molesting note, Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy the time with your family and loved ones.
-Written by Marcus Boyd
The final installment of Marcus Boyd’s Excellent Adventure: Poconos & Thanksgiving
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