You Can't Avoid Boyd - Chevy Chase is a God Damned Genius

Chevy Chase is a God Damned Genius (Wait, what?)

(When explaining his gambling losses in the movie “Dirty Work”)

Dr. Farthing: “I know there's really nobody to blame for this but myself, well, I don't know, maybe the Buffalo Bills, the Boston Red Sox, or Mr. T or, or the Jets...”
Mitch: “Wait a minute, Mr. T? Are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky III, and that you bet against Rocky?”
Dr. Farthing: “Hindsight is twenty-twenty, my friend.”

“Dirty Work” taught us three things: never piss off a Saigon whore, Norm Macdonald should never star in a movie, and hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately, hindsight is ruining one of the happier sports moments for me.

The Boston Red Sox suffered an embarrassing collapse down the stretch to end the baseball season. Up nine games on September 3^rd against the Tampa Bay Rays, Boston was eliminated from the playoffs on the last day of the season when they lost their game and Tampa won, blowing the biggest September lead in MLB history. Side note: you can expect a book to be coming out in the future about this past September/last day of the season as we saw two epic comebacks (or meltdowns, depending on who you cheered for) regarding the chase for the 2011 MLB postseason (which can be magnified if one of those epic comebacks, the St. Louis Cardinals, win the World Series this month.) Boston did not help their cause to make the playoffs, going 7-20 in the final month. Their starting pitching struggled all month, and their once strong bullpen was worn down by the end. Their offense was inconsistent at best and they relied on too many people they shouldn’t have. Considering my hatred of the Red Sox is comparable to Casey Rybeck’s hatred of terrorists on modes of transportation, I enjoyed it thoroughly. Then, the Boston Globe came along and ruined it for me.

Last week, the Boston Globe wrote a pretty revealing article on why the Red Sox choked. The article blasted the conditioning/mindset of their top starting pitchers (accused Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, and John Lackey of staying in the clubhouse rather than on the bench during games they weren’t pitching in, while they were drinking beers, eating fried chicken, and playing video games), blasted their manager (accused Terry Francona of being distracted about his recent divorce from his wife and questioning if he had developed an addiction to painkillers), and wondered if team chemistry was flawed (the article said some cliques formed in the clubhouse, and previous clubhouse leaders stayed quiet and isolated, reminding older fans of the “25 players, 25 cabs” days of the late 70’s). It was a great read, but the article offered many scapegoats for a team that surprisingly missed the playoffs. Lester admitted some mistakes were made throughout the season as the pitchers had a beer here and there, but denies they were getting drunk and abusing Popeye’s and Xbox. The fallout of this season resulted in Francona no longer being with the team as his option was not picked up and GM Theo Epstein on the verge of becoming the Chicago Cubs’ general manager.

This is where hindsight comes into play. Reading that article, you would completely understand why the Red Sox are out of the playoffs. Too many guys were goofing off and the manager had no control of the situation. However, the Red Sox were considered one of the best teams in baseball as recently as Labor Day. If the Red Sox went 9-18 down the stretch, that would be a horrible way to end the regular season. Yet, they would have made the playoffs and I guarantee you this article would have never been written. All this stuff would have still happened, but it would not have been brought to light by the media. If the Red Sox would have won the World Series, I am sure Beckett, Lester, and Lackey would have done commercials for KFC, mocking their fried chicken obsession. Francona would have still been a pill addict (allegedly), but still been the leader of the champion Red Sox. Instead, they blew a huge lead and people are paying the price. Remember, this was a team in 2004 known as “idiots” who drank Jack Daniels before big games (small sips, not Boyd quantities) and won the championship despite being down 3-0 in the ALCS (I know who they were playing, I just won’t write it here as I am fighting off tears.)

It’s easy to address something after the fact. Anyone can do that. The Red Sox are not in the playoffs because they played horrific baseball down the final 27 games, not from the highlights of the article. In my opinion, Francona did not do a good job managing the team this year. He’s always been known as a player’s manager, but it seemed his players took advantage of his style. You often hear how dictator-style managers typically do well early on, but fade as their message is ignored by the players. I believe the same principal applies here. Francona’s message was lost on this year’s squad. However, he’ll get a reprieve from the public after this smear campaign came out. Drugs and bitches didn’t make Francona a different manager this year. He just didn’t correct the ship, which should have been his first priority during the season. He figured his players would figure it out, yet they didn’t, and it cost him his job at the end.

If hindsight was available at the beginning, Dr. Farthing would have been rich courtesy of Rocky Balboa instead of dead from Mr. T, and I would have never dated the Crazy Chicken. Instead, it’s not and we have to live our life. In conclusion, fuck the Boston Red Sox.
       
           -Written by Marcus Boyd