The
Big Bang Sack Theory
It’s
a common situation. Everybody has a friend that hooks up with the same person
from time to time. Despite their sexual relationship, both people claim they
are not dating each other. I can deal with that, but there is one pressing
question: What do you call this person? Booty call? That would work if it was
1998. A friend with benefits? That is more boring than this season of “The
Office”. Fuck buddy? That’s too vulgar for most. Allow me to introduce the
correct term for this person: bang sack.
I
can’t take credit for this name. Stains came up with the name. However, I am
going to give this thing life and let it grow before our very eyes. If you
don’t think I am capable of that, you don’t know Boyd. In 2004, I made it
socially acceptable at the Bloomsburg University to end every sentence with the
word “son”. It caught like wildfire. To this day, I don’t have to buy a drink
in Sewell, NJ as they know me as “The Original Son” in those parts.
Here
is how you should classify your relationship with your sexcapades friend:
·
One night stand: Your typical wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Hit it and quit it.
One and done. Insert generic “I just had sex and need to get the hell out of
here” saying here.
·
Two night stand: A bang so nice, you did it twice. For whatever reason
(alcohol), you both decide to give it another go. No one can fault you for
making the same mistake again.
·
Bang sack: If you have sex with the same person more than twice, that person is
a bang sack, your favorite prostitute, or a person you are dating. There are no
exceptions. It’s just a physical relationship based on the naughty, that’s it.
Nothing romantic about it. You and your bang sack can go out in public together
like friends would. You are friends, friends who see each other naked at the
end of the night or the next morning or decide to partake in some form of
afternoon delight. If feelings get involved, then you two are in a
relationship.
If
I come across as crude, so be it. I am just pointing out the facts. I am not
hating on the bang sack either. I love the theory of the bang sack. Personally,
I don’t believe a person can just be a bang sack in the long run; someone will
eventually want a relationship. However, most people would disagree with that
thought and I know a few people who are currently proving me wrong. If Pete
Jamowski can keep pulling it off, I may have to re-evaluate my thoughts on
this. To quote 1980’s philosopher Rocky Balboa after he ended the Cold War: “If
I can change, and you can change, everybody can change.”
In
conclusion, long live the bang sack sonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
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