Livin’
in the District
During
the cockblock known as Hurricane Irene, I noticed a guy jogging in front of my
house. I should mention that it was pouring rain at the time, as it had been
all day. I should also mention that this didn’t surprise me, as I have grown
accustomed to many things living in the DC metro area, such as:
DC
is a fit town:
Since the weather in this area is nice April-November with the occasional “what
the fuck” warm week in January, you will constantly see people running, biking,
and playing various sports. Adult sports teams are popular, ranging from rugby
through kickball. Personally, I have played kickball, dodgeball, softball, and
flag football for rec teams as I have been down here. I’m not saying kickball
is a strenuous sport, but it’s better than just going right to the bar after
work. Having been to a few different gyms in the area, there is no shortage of
people working out as well.
DC
dislikes snow: The
first time it snowed while I was down here, it snowed approximately half an
inch. It took me an extra hour to drive to work due to all the traffic. Either
people were driving three miles an hour or crashed their Camaro after going 95
mph. You typically have to deal with the “You call this a snowstorm?!? You
should see it snow where I grew up in (insert buttfuck town)” person, which
gets annoying. The area typically has too many salt trucks on the road when it
barely snows and not enough for actual deserving snow storms. While I thought
the area handled the two snowpocalyspes (multiple joggers didn’t let two feet
of snow stop their normal run) well in 2010, they dropped the ball on the 2011
ice storm. If you don’t believe me, ask all the people who were on the road for
several hours, stuck in traffic.
DC
loves football: If
you are a local, you are in love with the Redskins. Loyalty runs deep despite
the fact they have won one playoff game in the last decade. Even my girlfriend,
who knows as much about sports as Casey Anthony knows about child rearing,
follows the ‘Skins. Since only 46 people are actually from DC, everyone cheers
for their favorite teams. Bars are constantly packed on Sundays as there is a
team bar for most NFL teams. Otherwise, DC doesn’t care much about sports. I
heard DC was a basketball town when I moved here, but support has faded with
each Wizards losing season. Hockey is popular now as the Capitals bandwagon is
pretty full. However, it will tip over one day and people will go back to not
knowing what icing is. As for the Nationals, DC residents attend games to
drink, not watch baseball. The Bullpen (bar across from the stadium) and the
Red Loft (actual stadium bar) is always crowded, while the seats remain empty.
The only big crowds come when there is a good opponent in town. Even then, they
head to the bar.
DC
hates motorists:
There is always traffic in this area. Some is due to the constant construction
going on. Luckily, they do a lot of this during the night, which helps during
rush hour but blows if you drive at night. Some is caused from the logistical
nightmares of the area’s highways. Major highways dumping into other major
highways and the sudden disappearance of lanes provide these daily
clusterfucks. Another reason for traffic is rubbernecking. Anytime there is an
accident or a cop with his lights on, traffic comes to a halt in DC. It doesn’t
matter if the damaged car is off to the shoulder and not in the way of other
drivers, everyone will drive by super slow to stare at it. I think
rubbernecking should be a traffic violation, like speeding.
Other
than the traffic and suck-ass sports teams, DC is a pretty great area. Nice
weather, a million entertainment options, and enough homeless people who know
the value of a ham sandwich.
-Written by Marcus Boyd
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