You Can't Avoid Boyd - Doucher of the Year

Doucher of the Year

I thought we had Doucher of The Year in 2011 wrapped up In March when 27 year-old Karin Mackaliunas of Scranton, PA decided to use her vagina as a carry-on bag. After she was detained as a suspect of an inn robbery and found with three bags of heroin on her, police noticed Mackaliunas acting suspiciously. When asked why was acting that way, she admitted she was concealing some things in her woman region: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills, $51.22, and a Dominican midget named Chico. I’m kidding about Chico, but the rest is true. There was a bunch of questions I wanted to ask about this situation: Why hide the money? How was the $51.22 broken down? Why did you store ½ a prescription pill? Why keep the empty bags in you? Did you become a drug mule because of the fucked up way you spell “Karin”? How many t-shirts will I see at 2012 Parade Day mocking this? Where can I buy one of these shirts? What do you think of my kilt? However, Karin might have been out-douched by this loving and caring father.

28 year-old Billy Joe Madden of Hattiesburg, MS was charged with two counts of child desertion, parent allowing a minor to drive, open container and two counts of no child restraint and no seatbelt after Billy Joe was found to be riding shotgun, intoxicated, while his 8 year-old son was driving the pick-up truck and his 4 year-old daughter was in the backseat. The truck was stopped in Holden, LA, en route to Dallas, TX. Bail was set at $1,474 and his children were turned over to child welfare until a family member could take custody of them.

Let’s break down this sack of shit. If this guy had just had a few beers and let his son drive the truck a few miles down the road, he’d be among the worse human being of all time. I’d still keep Hitler on the hook for trying to erase the Jewish population. However, there is so much more to this story. First, the dad was charged with open container, meaning he was currently drinking in the truck while his son drove. Second, neither child had on their seatbelt (both kids) or was in a child seat (the 4 year-old). Third, the trip from Holden to Dallas is about 500 miles, and who knows how long this kid was driving before he got pulled over (hopefully not too long). All I can say is it is a miracle that someone on the highway saw the pickup truck driving erratically in the first place or else this story might be dealing with injuries and deaths.

We need a license to drive. We need to provide proof of age to buy alcohol and tobacco. We need to be registered to vote. Yet, we need nothing to procreate except a consenting male and female. Billy Joe Madden might make us re-evaluate that. This scumbag has two children (at least) that he values so much, he lets his daughter roam freely in the backseat while her older brother is chauffeuring them on the family trip. This kid should be playing with Legos, not driving for several hours. I’m surprised this guy was even allowed bail while showing this much negligence. He belongs in prison for life, casted down with the sodomites. He also is the proud recipient of the 2011 Doucher of the Year award. Congratulations slap dick!

         -Written by Marcus Boyd