Random Acts of Racism

           Do you appreciate your local supermarket? I mean really appreciate everything it offers you. I made my weekly visit to Giant this afternoon and witnessed a natural phenomenon worth writing about. I'm talking, of course, about Random Acts of Racism. I'd really like to thank my local Giant for giving me this opportunity.

           A Random Act of Racism is a situation that, when looking from a distance, could be viewed as absolutely racist. The people partaking in this awesome scene aren't doing it on purpose. It's completely random. Some people might call it a coincidence but I think it's more than that. I think there are more powerful forces at work to create such a genuinely funny and harmlessly racist act. It's just one of those things you really need to sit back and appreciate when you are lucky enough to be in attendance for it. Today was one of those days for me.


            If I asked you to tell me the most used and joked about racial stereotype, what would you say? Black people liking fried chicken? Good guess. Irish people being small dick drunks? Wrong again. Asians being good at math and terrible drivers? That's actually true but not what I'm thinking of. Black people liking watermelon? Now we're talking. Unfortunately most of the racial stereotypes we all joke about involve black people. Sorry but that's just the facts. I don't even know where the watermelon thing came from nor do I care. And everybody that knows me knows I'm not racist at all, I just appreciate racial humor.

          Well a Random Act of Racism is when you witness one of the many stereotypes being put into practice. Again, it's not on purpose and the poor saps involved probably don't even realize what's happening. But as an onlooker you can't help but acknowledge when a naturally hilarious event presents itself. They say laughter is the best medicine and what gets you laughing more than spontaneously funny situations? I'm not talking about stand-up or inprov here. These are not staged at all and that's what makes them so great. It's what keeps me young. I wish it would keep my hair black but that's another story. I'd like to share the Random Act of Racism I was graced with today and I want you to think about some that you may have seen or been a part of without realizing.


            I was strolling through the supermarket checking out the talent and grabbing a salad when it happened. A standard white guy, looked like he might have been in a fraternity in college. One of those guys that always gets cash back, if you know what I mean? Well he was standing at the watermelon bin with his lady friend trying to pick out a good one. He had no idea what he was looking for so he decided to ask for assistance. Enter the Giant worker that appears to have just come to this country from Africa. He had a very thick accent and was eager to help. It was an innocent situation and I'm sure the fraternity alum didn't seek this guy out on purpose. But take a step back and look at this again. A very white, white guy asks a very black, black man to help him pick out a watermelon. Now if you can't laugh at how randomly racist that looks then you have no sense of humor and should be shot on sight.


              We all need to just lighten up sometimes. You might have witnessed RARs (Random Acts of Racism) before and not even noticed. You know why you didn't notice? Because you were too worried that pointing out how racist it looks, even to yourself, would make you racist. That's not true, it just means that you understand how the world works and can enjoy the little things it gives you to get you through the week. You'd be surprised how much more entertaining your days could be if you allow yourself to laugh at what's funny without worrying about how it makes you look. If someone thinks I'm racist because I crack up when I see a Jewish person pick up change off the ground then fuck them, fuck them right where they stand. I fancy the little things in life and I suggest you do too! Speaking of floating my own boat, I'm on my way to the newly opened Silver Diner. I figure I'll grab some breakfast, get a Ham Sandwich to-go, then head out back and exchange it for a shame free Hand-job from some hungry bum.