New York City

          There are certain cities in the United States that have something they are known for. Chicago is windy and has great deep dish pizza. New Orleans has Bourbon Street, beer, boobs and awesome Cajun food. Philadelphia is known for cheese steaks and passionate sports fans. It’s always raining in Seattle. San Fran has the gays. But New York City is on a different level. There are things that you will see in NYC that you just won’t see anywhere else in the country. Even if you go to New York frequently and you know what to expect, something will happen that will blow your mind. 

           I’ve been to NYC a handful of times and I thought I had a pretty good grasp on what the city was all about. I went up there this past weekend and boy was I wrong. I saw some shit this weekend that will stay with me the rest of my life. I’m not talking about 3 headed, fire breathing midgets. I’m talking about real things people do or say that make for great stories with while you're crushing suds with your buddies at happy hour.

          I realize some of these stories are “had to be there” type tales and won’t be funny to you. I’m not worried about that, I’m only going to share one story anyway. I want you to understand this is the tip of the iceberg. To fully appreciate what this blog is about, you need to get yourself up to NYC and stroll around for a couple hours. Keep your head on a swivel and your ears open. Soak it all in, then step back and try and wrap your head around some of the crazy shit you saw/heard. 

It may or may not be important to set this story up a bit, so here it goes. 

          Saturday morning has come and gone. It’s afternoon now and I’m starting to get hungry. There are a couple ways to get your day started off on the right foot. Breakfast is usually at the top of the list. However, when it’s on or around 12, nothing beats a nooner! That doesn’t stop my hunger pains for long though and I can really go for some brunch. My good friend Margo and I head downtown on foot to find a restaurant with a first-class menu. We end up on 23^rd street and 6^th ave. At a very nice place with a decent spread. The food was very good and the mimosa that came with it really hit the spot. Not far away is a coffee shop that is heavily spoke of in the coffee drinker circuit, so we head over to check it out. One of those “had to be there” stories happened here but without being able to act it out it won’t have the same affect. Anyway, it was on the walk back uptown when I saw one of the funniest, ugliest, craziest things I’ve ever seen. 

           While walking up the street, I think it was 8^th ave., everything was normal until we were about 25 yards away from a bar that I couldn’t tell you the name of to save my life. It was about 3:30 in the afternoon, birds were chirping and the breeze was moderate. All of the sudden, bursting out of the front door of this bar like the SWAT team on a bust, was a giant transvestite with a microphone. This wasn’t a dainty little guy that could pull off the woman look either. This was a 6’ 3” dude with shoulders that would make Coach Ditka shed a tear. He was wearing stilettos that put him at about 6”7” and a zebra print skin tight dress. He had the attention of everyone on that block and started shouting into his microphone “Two dollar mother fucking shots . . at the bar . . at the bar!” He had surprisingly good rhythm but a voice that solidified his manhood more than the penis bulging out of his dress. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing or hearing. Not only was this giant penis wielding woman screaming at everyone. It was only 3:30 in the afternoon and this bar was giving away $2 shots. So a couple Jameson shots later we were back on our way. I mean for $2 how can you say no?          

          I hope I did this story the justice it deserved. Keep in mind this was one thing on a very long list of things that happened this weekend that made me question the decisions people make. The point of the blog is that New York City is strange animal and unlike any other city in the U.S. I live right outside of D.C. and I have to walk around for blocks with my Ham Sandwich before I get what I’m owed. NYC has the exchange of Hand-jobs for Ham Sandwiches happening on almost every street corner without batting an eye. Only in America!