Today's Words of Wisdom are about not being a lazy douche bag. In other words, Elevator Ediquette. I understand you might not be affected by people that don't follow these guidelines. However, I'm positive that you are affected by lazy douche bags, that if they had the chance would abuse the unwritten rules of the elevator.
Why Elevator Etiquette? Why not? The kind of violations that I'm about to speak of were brought to my attention by a frequent elevator user and loyal follower of my blog. You might be thinking, "well Pat just because they break a couple rules that doesn't make them lazy douche bags." Think again!
First things first, if you are only going to the 2nd or 3rd floor, take the stairs you lazy bastard! Let's just say you are walking up to a crowded elevator and ask them to hold the door for you. They do of course and you hop on. Now there is an elevator full of people that might be running a little late and counting on the efficiency of the elevator to get them to the 15 floor in a jiffy. The doors close, then everyone sees your sausage like finger reaching towards the '2' and they all think the same thing. "This lazy douchebag made us hold the elevator instead of walking up ONE FLIGHT OF STAIRS!" Seriously, just walk up the steps for christ sake. If you get on the elevator and hit the 2 or 3 you're probably the kind of person that doesn't rinse and repeat in the shower, if you know what I mean.
The second guideline I'd like to discuss has a little bit to do with the first. You know how buildings work, and you know how to count. I'm assuming those two things and I hope I'm not wrong. Having said that, if you know you are going to be one of the first people off the elevator, don't rush in and stand in the back! Let everyone else get on so you can be right by the door when it opens up. If you've been in the elevator with someone that has done this I know it irritated you. If it didn't irritate you, you're probably one of those people that asks for extra ketchup at the drive-thru, if you know what I mean. So the elevator stops and you hear this, "Excuse me, excuse me this is my floor." Really? Did you really have to stand all the way in the back when you knew you were getting off so soon? Why didn't you stand toward the front so you don't have to nudge your way out and inconveniece everyone? And God help you if you are only going to the 2nd or 3rd floor and you stood in the back. That's the kind of lazy ignorance makes me want to punch babies with another baby's fist.
To sum it all up. Don't take the elevator if you're only going up one or two floors. You can use the exercise trust me. Also if you plan on getting off on one of the lower floors, don't stand in the back and be a douche bag about it. Let everyone else on first so you can be by the door. If you do either of the two things mentioned here you are probably one of those people that give Hand-jobs for Ham Sandwiches. And you know what I mean!
i used to live on the 8th floor when i lived in Brooklyn and i walked/ran up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, so i feel your pain. Now i did it because in the ghetto, the elevator either doesnt work, has piss in it, the door doesnt close properly, someone unsafe got in or the elevator stops in between floors. as far as office buildings go, sometimes its hard to find the staircase or its off limits and you have to take the elevator to the 1st or 2nd floor.
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