The XXX Summer Olympics: The Good, the Bad, & the
Winehouse
In keeping with the Olympic theme, this post was written
Wednesday at 9 am and will air primetime Thursday night.
The Good: American pride in events we wouldn’t give
two shits about normally. We don’t care about swimming and gymnastics at all,
except for two weeks every four years. Then, we become fanatics. The only other
time we care about Michael Phelps outside of the Summer Olympics is when he is
taking bong hits or making crappy Subway commercials. I’m glad he won his
record-breaking 19th Olympic medal, but by mid-August, it’ll be all
forgotten. I didn’t even know what a Ryan Lochte was until he took the gold in
the 400m individual medley on Saturday. Just as I jumped on the bandwagon,
Lochte blew the gold medal in the 4x100m freestyle relay and didn’t medal in
the 200m freestyle race. Pride was felt in the New Speasy when White Powers and
I watched team archery all Saturday morning. Seriously, team archery. The
Americans defeated the favorite, South Korea (which featured my Korean
equivalent), to advance to the gold medal game. From there, our best archer,
who looked like a drunker Matt Stafford, blew his final shot and allowed the
greasy Italians to win the gold on their last shot. The Italians celebrated by
making pasta sauce and comparing mustaches. Good times all around.
The Bad: The time delay between live events and its
NBC broadcast. Back in the day, it wasn’t as big of a deal because we weren’t
capable of getting live updates from around the world. Only Al Gore knew what
the internet was back then. Now, between 24-hour news channels and updated
technology, we have the ability to watch these events live and get updates via
Twitter instantaneously. I know NBC paid a dickload of money to air these Games
and they need to feature the highly anticipated events to draw big ratings and
justify their investment. Some people (like my girlfriend) avoid social media
to watch these events without knowing the result. Most people (like me) know
the outcomes since ESPN, Twitter, Yahoo, CNN, and every other website display
the results.
The Winehouse: Just as I give NBC some dap for making
the best out of a bad situation, they completely fucked up on Monday night. The
main draw should have been 17-year old American Missy Franklin winning the gold
in 100m backstroke. Instead, they hyped up the race and went to commercial just
before the race aired. During that commercial break, the Today Show ran a promo
which featured Franklin wearing the gold medal. So the viewers who waited all
day to watch this race were cockblocked by the Peacock. Come on, NBC. You are
better than that.
The Good: We are only a few days in, and we already
have had so much controversy. I loves me some controversy. There was a judo
bronze medal match in which Cho Jun-Ho of South Korea was awarded the match
against Masashi Ebinuma of Japan by the judges. However, the International Judo
Federation intervened and reversed the decision. It was all moot because judo
is one of the few sports that awards two bronze medals and both Asians walked
away with medals. There was also South Korean fencer Shin A Lam, who lost a
semi-final matchup due a timing error. Rather than win her match, a delay in
the clock allowed German Britta Heidemann to overtake her in points to be
victorious. Lam refused to leave the floor until the appeal was heard. She was
forcibly removed from the floor by security before her appeal was denied. Then
we have the eight women who were banned after tanking Badminton matches in
order to get favorable match-ups in the quarterfinals. Olympic competition at
its finest folks.
The Bad: NBC’s decision to edit the Opening Ceremonies.
Instead of showing dancer Akram Khan’s tribute to the victims of 7/7 terror
attacks in London, NBC edited out that part of the ceremony to run a
tape-delayed interview of Michael Phelps conducted by Ryan Seacrest. NBC
admitted the editing was to tailor to their American audience. And we wonder
why people from around the globe hate America so much. Replacing a foreign
tribute for a Ryan Seacrest interview is as American as it gets. The only thing
missing to make it even more patriotic was a blonde girl with fake tits holding
Taco Bell in the background.
The Winehouse: USA women soccer goalie Hope Solo’s
hissy fit against Brandi Chastain. During Saturday’s 3-0 win over Colombia,
Chastain, the color commentator during the Games, was critical of the play of
U.S. defender Rachel Buehler.
Solo immediately took to Twitter to trash the shirtless icon, saying she should
become more educated in the sport and how the game has changed from Chastain’s
playing days. Solo needs to shut her pie hole. Chastain is a color commentator
and needs to be fair and objective. She can’t be a homer to the American team.
She presented an honest point and shouldn’t be subjected to backlash for it.
The Good: The four athletes without representation. Reginald
de Windt, Lee-Marvin Bonevacia, and Philipine van Aanholt all hail from
Curacao. They walked out during the Opening Ceremonies as “Independent Olympic
Athletes” and danced around like Kansas City Clearys. Cuarcao was part of the
Netherlands Antilles until 2010, when the Antilles became part of the
Netherlands. These athletes could have been represented by the Dutch, but they
decided to represent their home land of Cuarcao, which is not recognized by the
International Olympic Committee (IOC). Thus, their independent statuses. The
fourth person, Guor Marial, could not attend the ceremony due to passport
issues. His country of South Sudan is not currently recognized by the IOC.
Marial refused to be represented by Sudan due to the 28 family members he lost
to the country’s Civil War. I’m glad these issues did not prevent these
athletes from their lifelong dreams of competing in the Olympics.
The Bad: U.S. gymnast Jordyn Wieber’s exclusion from
the individual all-around final. She finished fourth in the preliminaries, but
was not allowed to compete due to a rule where only two athletes per country
can earn spots. Two of Wieber’s teammates, Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas,
finished second and third. While it stinks that America’s most recognized
gymnast can’t compete despite her stellar performance, those are the breaks.
The rules were put there to prevent one country from dominating an event. It’s
unfortunate, but not controversial.
The Good: Sex. Now that I got your attention, let’s
talk about sex. Apparently, the Olympic Village is full of horny athletes that
do nothing but compete for medals and GET IT ONNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! The cunty Hope
Solo admitted to ESPN Magazine last month that you see these athletes sex it up
anywhere and everywhere during the Games. It is reported that there will be 150,000 condoms handed out in London (15
per competitor) this year. In an unrelated note, Patrick Hennessy has
officially begun training for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games for any event that
will take him.
The Bad: The NBC show featuring three dudes
helping their babies doing Olympic flips. “The Chicago Code” gets cancelled,
but this piece of crap makes it on the air. I am assuming it’s a new show since
they are raping us with their commercial every 20 minutes (or what Jerry
Sandusky calls a slow Tuesday). I wish these dudes were pro-choice and they
would BRING BACK THE CODE.
The Winehouse: While these Olympics Games are going
on and baseball playoff races are getting interesting, why the hell is
Sportscenter featuring a topless Tim Tebow running around in the rain? Can we
please put Tebowmania on hold for two weeks before ass-blasting us with NFL
coverage from training camps? I love football more than the next guy, but just
give us a break before it consumes us for the next five months.
-Written by Marcus Boyd
No comments:
Post a Comment