You Can't Avoid Boyd - It's Not Personal, It's Just Business

It’s Not Personal, It’s Just Business

On Wednesday, the Indianapolis Colts ended months of speculation by cutting Peyton Manning. It was highly anticipated, but it is still shocking. Peyton has been the face of the Colts franchise since 1998, his rookie season. Manning had turned a laughingstock into a dominant franchise, earning one championship along the way. While it’s sad it came to this, it just confirms that sports is just a business.

Last year, Colts owner Jim Irsay thought he locked up Manning for the rest of his playing days. Peyton signed a five year, $90 million deal that should have guaranteed his career ended in Indy. Unfortunately, there was a setback in Manning’s off-season neck surgery, which required more surgery. Peyton never stepped foot onto a field in 2011. The Colts did not do well without #18, finishing as the worst team in the NFL. People began to wonder if Peyton Manning, the greatest quarterback in Colts history, would be cut. He was due a $28 million roster bonus if he remained on the team on March 11^th. Irsay had cleaned house after last year’s dismal season, firing the general manager and all the coaches. They also had the top pick in the draft, where two QB prospects, Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III, await. He also had to wonder if Peyton was physically ready to resume his career. Despite assurances from doctors that Peyton was ready, Irsay had to decide if the risk was worth it. Yesterday, Irsay decided it was too risky and cut the man who made the Colts a winner.

It’s a shame that Manning will have to wear another uniform to continue his career, but it isn’t unprecedented. Johnny Unitas, Joe Namath, Joe Montana are three examples of Hall of Fame quarterbacks who did not finish their careers for the team that drafted them. Ask any diehard Dallas Cowboys fan about Emmett Smith’s tenure as an Arizona Cardinal and I am sure you will hear obscenities. It’s just the nature of the game.

A football team is a business, simply put. It is up to an owner to run all aspects as efficiently as possible. Managing a salary cap is one of those aspects. I’m not gonna nerd it up with facts and figures, but you only have so much to spend on 53 players. Some players are worth more than others. Owners have to figure out a way to field the most competitive team and still be within the cap. If there was no cap, Peyton Manning would still be a Colt. However, $28 million is a lot to guarantee someone who a) might not be the same player prior to the surgeries, b) might be rusty after a year long layoff, and c) will be 36 years old before training camp.

By all indications, Peyton Manning’s career did not end with the Colts cutting him. He is free to sign with another team and will probably take his time to research the best fit. Finding NFL suitors won’t be an issue as few teams do not have a need for a QB of this caliber (Giants, Eagles, Packers, Lions, Bears, Saints, Falcons, Panthers, Patriots, Ravens, Steelers, Bengals, and Chargers should not be in the market. Everyone else should have some interest.) At this point in his career, Peyton doesn’t need the money. He just wants that second ring. He can’t like the fact that Eli has one more than he does.

It is a sad day for Colts fans. For the last 14 years, they knew Peyton Manning as their quarterback. Before last season, he never missed a start. The 2011 season was supposed to be an aberration, not the beginning of the end. Now, a new man will take over as the face of the franchise. If I was a Colts fan, I’d definitely be down in the dumps. I’m just wouldn’t be surprised. At all. Sports is all about making money. If someone gets in the way of making money, they are expendable. And Peyton became expendable. There is no emotion when it comes to business. It’s black and white with no gray areas. While I understand it, I wish I didn’t. It was better when I was younger and more optimistic. Instead, I know what the bottom line is. Money talks, and Peyton walks.

                  -Written by Marcus Boyd

Birth Control? . . . You Slut!

           There are a number of controversies clogging up the news feeds the past few days. One has to do with the NFL players being paid extra to knock other players out of the game. The one I'd like to talk about has to do with Rush Limbaugh and some comments he made on his radio show. Since these comments were made, at least 24 sponsors have pulled out (pun intended) of the Rush Limbaugh business. Two of the 600 stations that broadcast his show also got out of dodge. Let me give you some background into the situation in case you haven't been listening.

           The whole story revolves around the Health Care problem facing most Americans. One of the big arguments surrounding the health care problem has to do with companies paying for birth control. It becomes an issue with religious companies that don't believe in contraception. Therefore, their health benefits don't include birth control coverage for their employees. So, women need to pay for it themselves and it's very expensive depending on what kind you use. This seems a bit unfair to a lot of the women out there and it has become a huge political concern. Last week a law student from Georgetown University testified at a congressional hearing on the subject. She argued her point that in the past three years as a law student, birth control would have cost $3,000. Beside the obvious use for birth control (condom-less sex), there are other medical reasons for women to be on the "pill." I'm not a doctor so I won't get into all the medical benefits because, quite frankly, I don't know. That was part of the law students argument. Her name is Sandra Fluke. The main point of her testimony was that it's not a religious thing at all, or an attack on the values of religious companies. It has to do with the fact that sometimes women need this medication and it should be covered under their health benefits.

           Well, anyone that has ever listened to Rush Limbaugh before knows that he is a very opinionated and on some occasions very ignorant man.

"What does it say about the college co-ed Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says she must be paid to have sex?" What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She's having so much sex, she can't afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex."

           That is the quote from his radio show about Sandra Fluke's testimony. Ignorant right? It's pretty obvious that he doesn't know how birth control works. It seems he thinks the more sex you have the more birth control you need. That is the case for us guys but women can take just one pill a day and it covers them whether they have sex or not. Even if they have sex 7 times that day, which would be awesome. The "pill" has it covered.

            Since we can safely say Rush doesn't know much about sex and contraceptives, why do we really care what he has to say?  Yea, I get that he has a huge radio broadcast and millions of people listen to what he has to say. But why do we get bent out of shape when he says something stupid? Who cares? It's his show and he can say whatever he wants. It's obvious he doesn't know what he's talking about in regards to this topic. So why can't we chalk this up to him being a moron and move on? This whole episode has been all over the news. CNN, MSNBC, Comedy Central. Now, I understand why Comedy Central picked up on this. Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert did a great job poking fun at this whole thing. That's as far as it should have gone. All the other coverage is unnecessary.

             And to be honest with you, I think the companies pulling their advertisements off his show are making a mistake. Radio advertisement and advertising in general is a business. It's about the amount of consumers that will hear your ad. If you know anything about anything, you know that his ratings are going to go up after this. Yes, up. It's the same reason Howard Stern had such great ratings. People want to hear what he has to say now, even if they hate him. So having an ad running during his show would be more beneficial now then they would before he stuck his foot in his mouth. Do you think consumers won't buy your product because your ad was playing during his show? Or that you have an advertisement on his program? I don't. Why would that have anything to do with the products I buy?

             It all comes back to how sensitive everyone is in this country. Take a breather. I'm not defending his comments, they were stupid and unintelligent. What I'm saying is, who cares? He is trying to fill hours of a talk radio show and has to say whatever is on his mind. If he calls someone a slut and a prostitute, big deal. Is she a slut or a prostitute? No, she's a law student at Georgetown University. She shouldn't worry about it. I'm sure there are people out there that have called her far worse. The only difference is that Rush has a microphone and an audience. It shouldn't affect any of the advertising done on his show, or get this much news coverage. He said it and it's over. Stop being such a slutty bitch about it.

            I'll say it again, the majority of Americans are huge pussies. Don't take things so personally. Don't take things so serious. Just concentrate on what you need to get done in your life and stop worrying about what other people have to say about it. Especially when they are big ignorant fucks who have to fill up air time and say whatever they want. Rush has since apologized twice. Mostly because he had to, to try and save some of the advertising money the show is losing now. Sandra has since been on the View and probably some other news/talk show. So she should probably thank him for this. Otherwise nobody, except the stuffy suits that were at the hearing, would know who she is or what she was talking about.

            Speaking of slutty prostitutes. I'm on my way to Chinatown to find one that takes Ham Sandwiches for a Hand-job and I have a good feeling I'll be successful. Based on past experience of course.

You Can't Avoid Boyd - Nobody Knows Anything

Nobody Knows Anything

On my way into work Wednesday, “Mike & Mike in the Morning” talked about a blog post from the Minnesota Star Tribune where the writer questions if the Vikings beating the Washington Redskins on Christmas Eve was the costliest win in its team history (http://www.startribune.com/sports/vikings/blogs/140734193.html). The theory being a loss in that game would give them the highly coveted 2^nd overall pick in the 2012 NFL Draft, a pick that many expect to be Robert Griffin III, the QB from Baylor. I am glad I didn’t hear their responses so I can offer my unbiased perspective on it (especially since Herm Edwards (www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMk5sMHj58I) was a guest host).

For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about (aka, my girlfriend), the top two picks in the 2012 NFL Draft should be Stanford QB Andrew Luck and RGIII (what the cool kids call Robert Griffin III). Luck is described as can’t miss while RGIII has been the hottest prospect of the year. RGIII started out as a blip on the NFL radar. He began the college season on fire and saved his best performances for the end of the year, on his way to the Heisman Trophy. With a great arm, his media savviness, and his well documented speed (he tried out for the U.S. Olympic team in the 400m hurdles), he is now viewed as a can’t miss player and a man who could be taken ahead of Luck.

The St. Louis Rams hold the 2^nd pick this year. While they don’t need a QB, they know other teams do and are drooling over RGIII. Since it is a seller’s market, many are predicting a huge windfall if the Rams trade the pick (multiple high round draft picks the next two years and possibly players.) The Minnesota writer was saying if the Vikings, who drafted their QB of the future in 2011, lose that game to the Redskins, they’d have the opportunity to turn that 2^nd pick into the chance to rebuild a struggling franchise.

In theory, that works. The Vikings finished 3-13 last season and were officially eliminated from playoff contention before Thanksgiving. However, communism worked as well in theory. To suggest the Vikings should have tanked a game is beyond ludicrous. Not many people have a chance to play in the NFL. There is no way any of the 53 players who played against the Redskins that day would have let up for the good of the franchise moving forward. First off, if you are labeled a quitter, your playing career is over. A rapist or a murderer can play in the NFL. A quitter cannot. Second, your fans expect the best. How could you expect fans to spend money on the team if they know you can tank? Fans hate losing, but can put up with it (to a degree) if the effort is there.

Right now, Griffin III is all that and a bag of chips. Who knows what will happen before the April draft. In order for the proposed trade bounty to happen, RGIII needs to stay in the spotlight positively and teams need to be in competition for that spot. If RGIII has a bad pro day, the trade package can disappear. If teams are able to dig up unflattering info on him, the hype could be gone. If teams decide not to pursue RGIII (go after a free agent QB, draft another QB later on, wait until next year to address the position, etc.), trade leverage goes out the window. There needs to be at least two teams fighting for the 2^nd pick to create the king’s ransom. If not, the seller’s market flips into a buyer’s market.

Last, draft picks are the ultimate lottery ticket. Mel Kiper Jr. may proclaim himself a draft expert, but that’s bullshit. Despite all the research done by teams or specialists, there is no guarantee on how a player can turn out. In 1998, some teams preferred Ryan Leaf over Peyton Manning. In 1999, the Cleveland Browns made Tim Couch their top pick. In 2000, six teams drafted QBs not named Tom Brady. In hindsight, those teams would be fucking idiots. High or multiple draft picks doesn’t mean automatic success down the road. While draft preparation goes a long way, luck (the noun, not the player) is definitely required.

I understand what the writer was trying to convey. He was dreaming of the 2004 trade, which turned a grumpy Eli Manning into three Pro Bowlers for the San Diego Super Chargers, for his beloved Vikings. However, it is absolutely absurd to look down at a team for winning a game. You don’t want to overlook karma. Just like you don’t want to piss off a blackjack dealer, you don’t want to piss off the karma gods. They do not reward the unjust. I am sure if they would have tanked the game, their highly anticipated trade haul would have been made up of busts, the injured, and/or homosexuals. Things happen for a reason. One faithful night last March, Henny decided to enjoy the unseasonable warmth to enjoy his ham sandwich dinner in an alley way. He wasn’t looking for a handy, but it came to him anyway and he was now aware of the barter system. Chalk that up to karma sonnnnnnnnnnnn.

            -Written by Marcus Boyd

Is it March Yet?

           Every four years we get an extra day in February called Leap Day. 24/7/365? Not this year. We have 366 days in 2012. So what does that mean? Well, nothing really. Except for an extra day of Black History Month. Do you believe that? White History doesn't even get its own month, let alone an extra day every four years. Relax, I'm kidding. But seriously. What does this extra day mean for us? If you watch "30 Rock" like I do every week, we're supposed to take advantage of this day. We can do anything we want. Whatever happens on Leap Day doesn't count. Wait, what?

           Unless you knew about this already you might not have anything planned for this year. So maybe we should take this time to plan for 2016. And plan something crazy! Sky diving? Base jumping? Alligator wrestling? Bank robbery? Long distance swimming? Scuba diving? Unprotected hooker sex? The list goes on. The list also get really weird. So you should probably choose something for yourself. Just make sure you pick something you wouldn't normally do on a Monday. (Leap Day in 2016 will be on a Monday) Which is actually a perfect opportunity. Make a long weekend out of it and go nuts.

                  Well, that's all I have to say about Leap Year. I would like to touch on something else that happened over the weekend if you don't mind. Even if you do mind, blow it out your ass.

          I talked about stereotypes a while back but one of them got cemented this weekend. The Nascar fans out there know what I'm talking about. Women can't drive! The face of GoDaddy.com crashed 3 times this weekend. Apparently they all weren't her fault (I don't watch Nascar) but the fact is, she was in 3 crashes. Every race she was in this weekend, she crashed. So, I'd like to take this time to thank Ms. Patrick for confirming what we already knew in our hearts. Women can't drive. And if they're Asian women, run for the hills because it's about to get crashy.

         Okay, let's recap. This is a Leap Year and unless you have something planned for the 29th this year, let's starting thinking about 2016. It'll be a Monday and you'll have plenty of Vacation days to use and go bananas. Also, women can't drive. Thanks Danika. I'm going to celebrate Leap Day 2012 by doing something crazy. I'm going Subway to buy a 6 foot Ham Sandwich and get the best Hand-job money can buy from at least 4 bums behind the IHOP. (It's National Pancake Day so it should be packed back by the dumpsters)

Eat Healthy? Exercise? Nah, There's a Pill for That

           For many years now our country has had an obesity problem. It's quite possible that we are the fattest country in the entire world. There are a number of reasons that contribute to this sad fact. Laziness, fried food, bad eating habits, laziness, and some people have even said there is a gene that causes obesity. Well, I'm not buying it. The truth is; if you exersise and eat well, you'll lose weight. Period. If the calories you burn during the day are greater than the calories you take in during the day, you'll burn fat. It's science. For the math nerds out there, it looks like this. Calories Burned > Calories Consumed = Burned Fat. Burned Fat = Lost Weight. It's that simple.

          To be fair, it's not easy to eat right and exercise regularly. It takes a level of self discipline and will power to drag yourself to the gym everyday. And it can get pretty expensive to eat healthy. So it comes to do how much you value your self-image and overall health. Even if you can't afford to eat the healthiest food, you can still keep your calorie intake down by not eating as much of the bad stuff. If the gym membership is holding you back, there are a number of exercises you can do at home. It all comes down to what kind of shape you want to be in.

          I'd also like to be clear that I'm talking to the obese people out there. The problem I have with this whole obesity thing is that these people aren't happy with themselves. If you aren't happy with yourself, then do something to change it. I'm not saying that everyone needs to have sculpted abs and buns of steel. Shit, I don't have a six-pack but I'm happy with the shape that I'm in and I go to the gym to improve on it. If you have a couple extra pounds here and there and are happy with yourself, then so be it. More power to you. But if you can't see your feet and need help with everyday tasks, there is a problem.

         So what's the solution? There has been surge of healthy habits and exercise over the last few years. Shows like "The Biggest Loser" and "I used to be 600lbs", or whatever that show is called, demonstrate the benefits of working hard and eating right. It's just not enough. The message just isn't getting through to the people that need it.

         Laziness to the rescue! Yes, laziness appears to be the solution. A medical advisory board has endorsed the "obesity pill" and recommended it to the FDA (Food & Drug Administration) for approval. This is the same pill they tried to approve 2 years ago but it was found that the side effects were too risky. The side effects were heart problems and birth defects. Two years later they are trying to get this pill approved by saying the benefits out-weigh the risks. A strict regulation of drug prescribers and recipients will apparently lower the side effects. The side effects are still heart problems and birth defects. So is that what this country has turned into?

        Lazy, pill popping fatties. I'm saddened by the fact that, instead of doing it the right way, a pill is our answer to obesity. To be honest, I hope it works. What do I really think will happen? Obese people will take this pill and continue to eat and not exercise. They will remain fat and maybe lose the 10% of their body weight this pill promises. So instead of being 400 lbs, they'll be 360lbs. Great.

        In summation, I'd like to say that eating right and exercising is right way to get in the shape you want. I reiterate, the shape you want. I don't think everyone should be super thin or crazy muscular. You should be able to do your everyday tasks without help and be happy with yourself about it. If not, I guess now you can just sit back and feast on a pill. Just worry about your heart and the future of your children while cruising down Easy Street. Me? I'm going to find the fattest bum I can and make her chase me a mile before giving her a Ham Sandwich for my Hand-job. Every little bit helps.

        

You Can't Avoid Boyd - Nobody Wants Any Sausage Tom Green

Nobody Wants Any Sausage Tom Green

With February coming to a close, this is the last post for the “Worst in Hollywood”/”Props to a Black Dude” series. If you liked it, great. If not, eat a dick. Today, we talk about the worst movie of all-time, “Freddy Got Fingered”.

First off, I hope Stains isn’t reading this, because this will break his heart. There are a few things about Stains you need to know. He is a successful accountant, he is surprisingly athletic, and he is the biggest Tom Green fan ever. He loved his show and was beyond excited when he heard Green was going to a star in a movie.

The Friday the movie debuted, Stains bought 12 tickets early for it for him and his friends. He didn’t want to chance that the movie will sell out and he’d be left in the cold. Remember, this was 2001, we were all in high school, and alcohol, drugs, and pussy had yet to consume our free time. Unfortunately, he forgot to grab tickets for me and another friend. I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to get in as movies on the weekends typically sold out. Upon arriving minutes before the start time and waiting in a long line, we were able to get the tickets. Once we walked in, there were only 16 people in attendance, 14 of them being our crew. This was the first sign that this movie might not be worth our time and money.

90 minutes later, it was confirmed: the movie was crap. Sure, I laughed at some of it, but the movie was god awful. If you never saw the movie, you can Wikipedia it, but Green plays a failed cartoonist who moves in with his parents after he is fired from the cheese sandwich factory. Like his MTV show, the movie is scattered with shock and gross-out humor. The original cut of this movie was rated NC-17, but it was toned down to receive an R rating. It also co-stars Don Geiss from “30 Rock”, the chick from “Airplane”, the dude who bangs Stifler’s mom in the “American Pie” movies, and the female cop in “Super Troopers”.

The critics didn’t sugarcoat their thoughts on the movie. Several prominent movie critics gave the movie zero stars out of four, while the Toronto Sun thought it was so bad, it created a new scale and gave it negative one stars. The movie won five Razzie awards out of eight nominations, highlighted by Green accepting the awards in person. I don’t want to contribute Tom Green’s demise to this movie, but this was probably the start of his decline.

On a positive note, it has achieved a cult like following and did not win the “Worst Picture of the Decade” Razzie (“Battlefield Earth” took that honor.) Plus, Stains is only one of two people I know to have owned this DVD. If he ever gets married, I am bringing up this fact during the best man speech, whether I am the best man or some blacked out guest.

This week’s “Props to a Black Dude” goes to Greg Oden, who probably needs some cheering up after his latest knee surgery. He hasn’t had any good news since becoming a pro since some naked pictures were leaked on the Internet, showing off his monster dong. He was one of the top high school basketball players in the country before committing to Ohio State. He would have been the top pick in the NBA draft, but had to go to college for at least one year. In that one year, he was an All-American and led the Buckeyes to the championship game.

He came out for the 2007 NBA draft, being viewed as the top pick. However, Kevin Durant was also vying for the top spot. The Portland Trailblazers had the top pick and took Oden first, adhering to the “You can’t teach size” rule. They adhered to that rule in 1984 when they drafted Sam Bowie over some guy named Michael Jordan. Just like in 1984, this pick bit Portland in the ass.

Greg Oden has had four knee surgeries (three of them micro-fracture) in his brief pro career. He has only played in 82 games in his five years with Portland, which is the length of one normal NBA season. He hasn’t played since December 2009. In the same time, Durant has become one of the best players in the league. Props to Greg Oden, who needs something good in his life.

                   -Written by Marcus Boyd

Donuts, Ashes, Sacrifice, Easter, What?

          Happy Fat Tuesday. Today is the day where you get to eat all the bad stuff you want and not feel bad about it. Right? You can stuff your face with donuts and candy and whatever else you think falls into the category of "fat making" food. Well my description of this little celebration might not be the best one out there but it sums it up pretty well. Fat Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, and the start of Lent. For those that don't know, Lent is a Christian observance of penance and sacrifice. It is very religiously significant in a number of ways that I'm not going to get into. Why you ask? Because: 1. I'm not a Priest 2. I don't feel like getting into it and 3. The only thing people really care about is giving something up for 40 days.

          Lent is the time of year between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. Now, for those of you who ran to your calendar to count the days. You'll find more than 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. Well, dummies, it's because the Sundays don't count. So you take Ash Wednesday and the three days that follow, plus the six full weeks until Easter (excluding Sundays) and you'll get 40 days. [(6 X 6) + 4 = 40] That number is significant in a number religious ways as well. I won't get into them, I'll just say them. The Israelites walked in the wilderness for 40 years, and Jesus walked in the wilderness for 40 days. If you want to know more about that then please Google it. I'd like to focus on giving something up and sticking with it for the duration of Lent.

          This is supposed to be a time sacrifice and reflection. The idea of giving something up for Lent is so you can understand sacrifice and appreciate what you have. There are a number of ways to accomplish this. Let's look at a few.

          You can take the easy way out and give up something that you don't use that much anyway. For example, you could give up cheese puffs. Not a big deal if you don't eat them that often. You can still gorge yourself with chips and not feel guilty. It's a pretty lousy way to do it, but who am I to judge. In this time of year I'm pretty sure you know who'll be doing the judging.

          You can step it up a notch and give up something you do use everyday. For example, you could give up drinking beer. Or eating all kinds of candy. Or drinking soda. Those are a step above the cheap bitch in the example above. But you can still get drunk, eat unhealthy and drink other crappy drinks. So it's not extreme that the big guy upstairs is looking for. (I'm talking about GOD)

         The next step is giving up eating during the day. Very similar to Ramadan (the Muslim celebration thing) where Muslims fast from Sun up to Sun down. That's no eating or drinking (water is allowed) from the time the Sun comes up, until it's dark out again. That's a pretty extreme way to do it, but that certainly is sacrifice. JC's dad would appreciate that I'm sure.

          The real extreme would be to fast completely for the entire 40 days. You'll probably end up really sick or dead so I don't suggest this at all. You want to look good in the eyes of GOD but you don't necessarily have to schedule a meeting during Lent.

          I like to go with the second option on this one. I'm not real extreme about it but I'm still going to give up something I use everyday. For me it will be candy and junk food. I was thinking beer, but with St. Patrick's Day coming up I'd have to drink Gin all day long and that's a dangerous, very dangerous thing to do. I usually eat candy at lunch everyday, so I'll certainly be sacrificing. Add that in with the fact that you aren't supposed to eat meat on Fridays during Lent and I'll be sleeping like a baby at night. What is your plan?

           And you know, even if you're not a Christian, you could give something up for Lent anyway. Whether you agree with it or not, it will still make you appreciate what you have and give you another level of discipline you probably don't use right now. So take this time to reflect, either about religion or just about your own life, and see what you're made of for the next 40 days. One thing I won't be giving up is exchanging Hand-jobs for Ham Sandwiches. And that's just the way it is.