After having some time to recuperate, I figured I would tell you all about the WAKA kickball party I attended this past Saturday in D.C. What I remember anyway, if you couldn't figure it out from the title I blacked out something fierce. I feel I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't start from the beginning, it's not quite the kickball party but it's important to the story.
It all started around 12:30 in the afternoon. Marcus Boyd and I went over the Hard Times Cafe to check out some sports on TV and drink some beers. Hard Times has discounted domestic pitchers on Saturday, and a pretty delicious menu of all things chili. We enjoyed a couple pitchers while the Rangers were playing, and waited for a few other friends to show up before we started the night in D.C. Usually we would take the metro because it's convenient and cheap, but there was five of us so a cab was the better choice. Our cab driver was a bit weird and decided to text while driving, but he told some terrible jokes and we all got a good laugh out of it. The destination was our team captain and WAKA employee Mark's house. He was having a pre-party party at his place and promised us free beer and food, so what kind of friends would we be if we didn't check it out?
We showed up and it seemed like we were the only ones that got the invite, but it started to fill up shortly after. Mark grilled up an awesome turkey burger and the beer was flowing like wine. Once we got enough people there we decided to step it up a notch with a little game of "you got got!" I won't get into the rules of the game, just know it's one of the absolute best drinking games ever, EVER! So after a couple beers went down and quick game of pass and chug with a bottle of champagne, it was off to the bar for the kickball party. This party was at an Irish bar in Capitol Hill and also promised free beer for all the players involved in WAKA kickball. That's when things start to get hazy.
Kelly's Irish Times was the sponsoring bar and had a pretty nice setup. We got greeted and leied at the door and beer was free. What more can you ask for? If I told you free beer went down quicker than beer you pay for I'd be telling the truth. And let me tell you, that beer was free! A couple of chugging contests later and my memory starts to fail me. On a side note, I love chugging beer and do it faster than you do! Anyway, everyone was having a great time talking about past seasons of kickball and sharing some of the funny stories that go along with a kickball/flip-cup league. Sometimes you go into a bar and it seems like everyone has an attitude, and nobody is there to enjoy themselves. Well that wasn't the case Saturday night, I think it was the leis everyone was wearing. I'm always in a better mood after I get leied. The atmosphere was great, everyone was smiling and laughing, oh and did I mention the beer was free? After a few hours hanging out people were starting to get hungry, so we all ventured over the Hamilton's for some late night food. At least that's what I was told.
I would continue to recall the events of the night, but I'd be lying to you. I would have to make it all up and you deserve better! So I'll tell you what I do know. We ordered food, and I chose to pay with my debit card. Which I had to pick up on Sunday because I didn't take it home with me. After the food was ordered, I got a phone call and wanted to go outside so I could hear better. When I got outside and drunkenly tried to explain how the party went to a good friend of mine on the phone, I also made a snap decision that I had enough and wanted to go home. So I bailed on my friends and just hopped in a cab bound for McLean, VA. I must have paid the cab in cash but as far as I know the cabbie owes me a Ham Sandwich!
So to recap. The pre-party party was a success and "you got got" is the best drinking game ever! The kickball party was also a success and free beer is delicious. Getting leied puts people in a good mood. Hamilton's is very nice on Sunday afternoons and adds an 18% gratuity to tabs left there overnight. It sucks when you wake up in the morning and can't recall the last two or three hours of the night before. And, there might be an alternate way to pay for cabs in D.C. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thanks for listening and if any of the guys that were out Saturday night would like to add something I left out, please feel free.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Airplanes . . . what happened?
When was the last time you were on an airplane? I recently took a flight to Dallas, Texas. Most of the problems I have with airplanes today have to do with the flight attendants. I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed that since we started calling them flight attendants they’ve been getting less attractive. I also think they increased the minimum age from 18 to 57. I mean seriously? They are getting older and older and it’s almost getting out of hand.
***
On a side note, the flight attendant just asked if there was a physician on board. Remember in the movie Airplane when they asked if there was a doctor on board? Oh yea, I keep looking back waiting to see this lady spit whole eggs out of her mouth. I think the people sitting across from me are already speaking jive. Surely she can’t be serious?
***
So like I was saying, these flight attendants are also getting lazier. I recall back in the day when the head stewardess would go over the safety info with the help of her crew in a nice little routine. They would fasten the seat belt and show us the exits. Nobody paid any attention but they still went through the motions. It was important that the effort was given. I got on the plane today, we started to taxi from the terminal toward the runway, “and here comes the safety brief” I thought to myself. “Please direct your attention to the monitors for all the safety information of this 737.” What? So what are the flight attendants doing? Nothing! They are just standing in the back chatting it up like the old bitties they’ve become. The job description for flight attendants is probably three sentences. Where is the effort? What are we paying for? Get your little seat belt and oxygen mask out, put a damn smile on and walk me through the safety material on the card in the seat in front of me! I just think that all the money we pay for flights these days should warrant a little more hard work. It was very comforting not paying attention while they went over all the info we’d need if we made a soft crash landing in the water. Now it’s become so cold and impersonal. So just to sum up what I’ve found out during my recent flights; the ‘flight attendants’ are getting older and less attractive, their workload has been tailored towards old age and laziness, and a small bottle of whiskey costs $7.
Maybe it was because the interview I was in Dallas for didn’t go that well. Maybe it was because I was wedged in the middle seat uncomfortably for 3 hours. Maybe it was the 2 hours I spent at the airport bar drinking Jameson and Beer. Who knows? These are just a couple things I noticed on my trip from DC to Dallas and back. One of the main things I learned while staying in Dallas was that they operate on the Hand-jobs for Ham Club Sandwich exchange. I guess everything really is bigger in Texas.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
You Can't Avoid Boyd!
If You Ain’t Offensive, You Ain’t Trying
Fantasy sports are a big part of today’s society. According to a number I just made up, 37% of Americans participate in some form of fantasy sports. If it is a sport, you can play a fantasy version of it. This post isn’t about why you should play. If you don’t want to play, fine. If you do, please follow the main rule of fantasy sports: Have the most offensive name as possible. (Please note: The names of my friends will remain anonymous as some of my friends are valued auditors, medical professionals, and “journalists” and I do not want to slander their good name.)
The following subjects have been touched on in fantasy leagues I have been associated with:
· The death of Bernie Mac and Issac Hayes the same weekend as our football draft
· Accidental drowning deaths (both among adults and infants)
· Terri Schiavo
· The Utah mining incident where six miners were trapped and declared dead
· Ben Roethlisberger
· Bill Cowher becoming single after his wife passed away from cancer
· Luis Salazar, baseball coach who lost an eye after being struck by a ball
· Ron Washington’s cocaine use
· Dany Heatley killing his teammate after a drunken car accident
· Suicides, tragic deaths, horrific injuries, and convictions of too many athletes/celebrities to name
· Michael Vick
· Kevin Everett, paralyzed football player
· School shootings
· Incidents directly involving our friends
The fantasy football league I run is named after Joe Namath’s legendary drunk interview with Suzy “I Just Want to Kiss You” Kolber (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc65NC44dSk). Once, a coworker saw the name of my fantasy team and stared at me in disbelief. A friend already has a team name for the 2011 football season (if there is one) involving the disaster in Japan . My first thought wasn’t “Oh My God, that’s horrible”. It was “Damn, that is genius”. Another friend always uses generic lame names for his fantasy teams and I believe this is the reason he has a winning percentage of .349 and has yet to win anything. My friends aren’t racist, homophobic, or insensitive. They are just misunderstood.
Every year, my fantasy goals are to win as much money as possible and have the most offensive name as possible. Even when my friends and I are dead, I look forward to continuing this tradition in Hell. My goal is to get the Prince of Darkness in our league and name my team “The Devil is a Cunt”. It’ll totally be worth the ham sandwich I have to earn daily for all eternity.
Written by: Marcus Boyd
Where do we draw the line??
So where do we draw the line on what's sexist and what's not? If a man gets a job over a woman, it's sexist. If somone assumes that a man can do something better than a woman, it's sexist. Some people even think that sports teams that are all male are sexist. So we try our best to make things equal. That's what you women are fighting for right? Equality. So I ask you. Where is the line?
This isn't coming out of nowhere. I wasn't up last night randomly thinking about women's rights. Sorry ladies, there is a reason I bring this up. It's the coed volleyball league I just joined. Yes, coed volleyball made me think of women's rights and why they need special treatment in certain situations. And why that isn't considered sexist. So allow me to set this up a bit.
I arrive at the gym with my roommate and contributing writer to Hand-jobs for Ham Sandwiches, Marcus Boyd. We go in and start stretching and warming up. Like the dedicated teammates we are, we showed up first. After a few minutes, our captain shows up with another female player on the team and we all get acquainted. Marcus knew everyone already, I was the new guy. The rest of the team filters and we start to go over some strategy. There are some administrative details that needed to be done before we could start our warm-ups. Waivers, money, residency forms, etc. So after we handled the business, it was on to our bumping and setting drills. We did the usual thing, stand in a circle and just hit it around to eachother. Everything was going pretty well. I was beginning to see some of the skill sets everyone was working with and where our weak points might be. The game that was in progress was coming to an end so we are started getting ready for action. We gathered around the scorekeeper/ref/linesman and went over the basics. He explained the basic volleyball rules in effect and how the scoring would happen. It was best out of 3, standard scoring unless it went to game 3 in which it would be rally scoring. Rally scoring is when a point is scored everytime the ball is served, instead of standard scoring where you only score when you serve. Anyway, there was one more rule he needed to explain, and thats when he dropped the bomb!
The "it's about to get sexist" bomb. What volleyball rule could possibly be sexist? Well allow me to set this up as well. First, there needs to be 3 females on the court at all time. There can never be more males than females, and since there are 6 people on the court, you always need 3 ladies. I'm not even upset about that rule. I can understand that to a point. Second, if your team hits the ball more than once, a girl must hit it one of those times. In other words, if the ball comes over the net the hits must go in one of these orders; guy-guy-girl, guy-girl-guy, guy-girl-girl, girl-guy-girl, girl-guy-guy, etc. Hopefully you get the point there. If the ball gets hit more than once, it must be hit by a girl. A guy can just hit the ball right back over without penalty, which ends up being a good strategy in some cases. Does that rule sound a little sexist to you? Especially in a sport like volleyball where, in more cases than any other sport, the females are better anyway.
That rule is not only sexist but it really disrupts the flow of the game. Depending on how you have your court set up, a girl can't always hit the ball. So if two guys hit it over, the other team gets the point or side out. Where it really comes into play is when things break down or someone makes a bad pass. Now, you're trying to save the ball and keep the play going. However, if a guy made the bad it, you better make sure that when you try and make a play it goes to a female so she can hit it over. Really? Is that volleyball? NO, it's not. I don't agree with stepping in front of girls to hit the ball, but if it just doesn't make it to them for a play or two then so be it. Most of the time it's the girls that are setting the ball, so if you play the game right they'll get their hits. To make it a rule is completely sexist and ruins the flow of a game.
So that brings up the question. Where do we draw the line on what's sexist and what's not? There are certain occasions where females get special treatment and it's kind of expected and acceptable. Then there are times when we try to give special treatment and get scolded for being a chauvinist pig. Have you ever tried to help a woman carry something? Now I know this doesn't apply to everyone, so please relax. In most cases, that I've been involved in, a woman finds it offensive if you offer to carry something for them. "What, you don't think I can carry it?" No bitch, I was just trying to help out and be a gentleman. I hear all the time that chivalry is dead, well it's because woman killed it. That's for another blog another day. I just want to know where we draw the line? When are we allowed to give special treatment and when aren't we? And who makes that call?
Would be sexist to refuse a Hand-job for a Ham Sandwich from a woman because I don't think she'll be able to do it right? Or should I seek out the female bums with hunger pains? You tell me!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Like a good neighbor . . .
This has been bothering me for a while now. "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there." *POOF* The agent shows up. Then one of the friends is obviously surprised by what happened and decides to try it out. So they sing the little jingle and end it with whatever they want. *POOF* everything they just said pops up! So let me ask you something. When the commercial started and the State Farm customer sang the jingle, did they end it with "with my agent"? No, they didn't. They said the stupid jingle and the agent just popped right up. So why doesn't that happen when the friends do it?? Why do they get to say anything they want?
Want to know another thing that bothers me about that commercial? You do? Of course you do. Does State Farm just give stuff away? If I become a State Farm customer can I just have whatever I want? Or if I'm friends with a State Farm customer, since that's the way the commercial works. The one guy asks for a sandwich, no big deal I guess. So how about the girl from 4E? How do you think she feels? She was hanging out searching Internet porn like we all do when we're home alone. Then boom, she's on the couch with three random dudes and a sandwich. Then to make it more awkward, the other guy gets a hot tub. Talk about an uncomfortable situation. This poor girl gets launched into a room with a guy who is obviously obsessed with her, his two friends and hot tub. Things are about to get really weird in that apartment. Hopefully they wait for the State Farm agent to leave.
So how about the other one they have with Bob Barker? He should probably stop tanning and die already. "And a New Car!!" What was it a Geo Tracker or something? Who the hell wants that? Yea, thanks Bob. Now take my advice and kick the damn bucket already.
I saw one the other day where each member of a couple asks for a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Not only is that pretty messed up, it's also the end of that relationship. "No babe, I love the way you look" Yea, nice try. You asked your damn agent for a better me!! Pretty shallow State Farm, pretty shallow.
I know you need to come up with clever advertisements to keep up with the Miller Lite and Bud Lite commercials, but come on. You need to have a serious talk with the VP of marketing and find out what he's on. I'm guessing it's a combination of things. Maybe a Jefferey, for those who saw Get Him to the Greek. It has to be something strong because those commercials are getting worse and worse with each annoying jingle. The next one is going to be a couple guys at a bar, when they come out to see the car they were going to drunkenly drive home has been smashed by a hit and run. "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there . . . with a bum offering Hand-jobs for Ham Sandwiches." *POOF* Ziiiip . . . NICE!
Want to know another thing that bothers me about that commercial? You do? Of course you do. Does State Farm just give stuff away? If I become a State Farm customer can I just have whatever I want? Or if I'm friends with a State Farm customer, since that's the way the commercial works. The one guy asks for a sandwich, no big deal I guess. So how about the girl from 4E? How do you think she feels? She was hanging out searching Internet porn like we all do when we're home alone. Then boom, she's on the couch with three random dudes and a sandwich. Then to make it more awkward, the other guy gets a hot tub. Talk about an uncomfortable situation. This poor girl gets launched into a room with a guy who is obviously obsessed with her, his two friends and hot tub. Things are about to get really weird in that apartment. Hopefully they wait for the State Farm agent to leave.
So how about the other one they have with Bob Barker? He should probably stop tanning and die already. "And a New Car!!" What was it a Geo Tracker or something? Who the hell wants that? Yea, thanks Bob. Now take my advice and kick the damn bucket already.
I saw one the other day where each member of a couple asks for a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Not only is that pretty messed up, it's also the end of that relationship. "No babe, I love the way you look" Yea, nice try. You asked your damn agent for a better me!! Pretty shallow State Farm, pretty shallow.
I know you need to come up with clever advertisements to keep up with the Miller Lite and Bud Lite commercials, but come on. You need to have a serious talk with the VP of marketing and find out what he's on. I'm guessing it's a combination of things. Maybe a Jefferey, for those who saw Get Him to the Greek. It has to be something strong because those commercials are getting worse and worse with each annoying jingle. The next one is going to be a couple guys at a bar, when they come out to see the car they were going to drunkenly drive home has been smashed by a hit and run. "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there . . . with a bum offering Hand-jobs for Ham Sandwiches." *POOF* Ziiiip . . . NICE!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Customer Service shouldn't be so awkward!
How were your last couple experiences with customer service?? I'll tell you about my last two, and I'm going to be honest, they were awkward.
So I'm going to go back to my birthday weekend for the first instance of awkward customer service. It was March 12, 2011. Margo and I were meeting Dennis and Emily at Clyde's in Chinatown. I wanted a steak dinner and Dennis suggested Clyde's because it fit right in with my price range. We head upstairs for our reservation, get seated promptly, so far so good. Our waiter comes over and has a thick Brooklyn accent, that doesn't have anything to do with it, I'm just saying. So we order our drinks, we all get carded, no big deal. Well the Virginia license I recently got hadn't come in the mail yet, so I had my old PA one with "VOID" punched in it. It didn't expire till the next day but he wouldn't accept it because it said void. So I showed him my military ID which had expired in September 2010 and that was fine. Go figure. Anyway, we get our drinks and order our food and everything seems to be going fairly smooth.
Well that didn't last long. First it was taking forever for our food to come out. Our waiter forgot we were his table. The food we ordered wasn't quite right for everyone. So we just laugh it off, it's not a big deal. We had our drinks and some good material to make jokes about. The manager, PJ, didn't feel the same way. So he came over to offer some apologies for the slow service and mix ups. So you'd think the manager of a nice restaurant in D.C. would have some kind of social skills. WRONG! This guy was as awkward as it could get. Long pauses between words, weird eye contact, I think he ate one or two of his own sentences. It was strange. So we brush it off, and order a nice bottle of wine. That turned out to be a mistake. It took 20 minutes for them to come over and say they didn't have that wine anymore. Here comes PJ, he'll take care of it. So he comes up to the table, pauses a second or two too long, and then waves his hand in a windshield wiper type move and says "I'm back!" . . . . . "So we don't have that wine in stock and we're going to give one of our nicer bottles on the house." Thanks for getting that out PJ, we appreciate it. "He's still here, what is he doing?" I whisper to Margo. After a longer then comfortable pause again, he continues. "I just grabbed the nicest bottle I could find back there, I'm so mad right now" as he shakes his fist. Yes, he actually shook his fist as if he were in a badly scripted soap opera. I guess I can just say soap opera. Anyway, you'd think after that he would tell us to enjoy the rest of our meal and wine and walk away. If that were the case I guess I wouldn't be writing about it. He stood there for a few more awkward seconds in silence and then walked away. So I wonder how he got this job? Is Clyde his father? That's the only explanation. Again, no big deal, we take the free bottle of wine and continue to enjoy ourselves. Uh oh, here comes PJ. He walks up to the table again to apologize for everything and explain all the items they were taking off our bill. While he is explaining why we are getting stuff for free, we all kind of chuckle a bit at the situation. "No, it's not funny" he says while staring at the light fixture on the wall above our table. How awkward is it when you are laughing at something and someone says in a very serious tone that it's not funny? It makes you a little uncomfortable right? That was the cherry on top of our Awkward pie. When it was all said and done we got like $100 of free food and drinks. Happy Birthday to me! So I'm thinking, this has to be a one time deal. There can't be more than one establishment that would hire such social rejects. WRONG!
Fast forward to this weekend. I was in NYC on a social visit. I don't know if you've been to NYC before, but brunch is a big thing up there. So, when in Rome right? So we head out to find a good brunch spot. There is only one stipulation for the place we choose. They must have oatmeal. I was with Margo and Kristina and Kristina only wanted oatmeal in case you were wondering where that stipulation came from. So we walk a couple blocks downtown from Hell's Kitchen checking out joints along the way. We come across one place that seems to have a pretty good deal. The busboy enjoying a cigarette outside tells us how good it is and convinces us to try it out. They had an all you can drink Mimosas and Bloody Mary's special with brunch which is a good selling point. We noticed there was no Oatmeal on the menu, but the gentleman assured us they had some. While we're checking out the menu a couple walks by and is intrigued by the all you can drink special. As the wife comes over and scans the choices she notices one of the selections is "tasted bagel" I didn't spell it wrong, that was on the menu. So she makes a joke about a bagel with a bite out of it being the tasted bagel. Everyone gets a good laugh out of it. It must be some type of foreign bagel or something, they wouldn't have a typo on their menu right? Wow, wrong again. Guess what kind of pancakes they had. If you guessed Bluebarry, you win! Yep, you read it right BlueBARRY. Weird right? So anyway, that's all before we even get in this place. As far as the typos go, that's another post for another time.
We get in and are greeted by the bartender who signals for the hostess to seat us. Here comes a young looking fellow with water. He looks like he probably plays Dungeons and Dragons between his Harry Potter marathons. So now that you have a visual, lets get into how creepy his service is. It's the same story as above. Long pauses, weird eye contact, he didn't eat any sentences he would just kind of stop them mid-way through and walk away. He brings over the napkins and it takes like 20 seconds to say "Sorry they weren't out already." All while just kinda standing and staring into space. This continues throughout the meal. Every time he comes over and leaves we all had something else to laugh about. It was almost like it was his first day. Not his first day on the job, his first day talking to other people. What kind of interview process did he go through? It must have been all online. They didn't have oatmeal by the way. That doesn't really have an awkward story to go with it. It was just FYI. So how do these people get jobs in customer service when they have such a hard time in social situations? It doesn't make any sense to me. If your job is to communicate with people and make them feel comfortable in your establishment, I'd figure you can at least talk to someone in a normal fashion. If it were up to me, these guys would be fired on the spot! Judging by their past performance in a public speaking environment, I'd be half-way through the Hand-job before they even mentioned they required a Ham Sandwich in return. And that's just not fair!
On a side note, I asked the waitress about the Bluebarry pancakes. I was thinking maybe it was on purpose and there was some special type of berry I didn't know about. "Oh, we employ a lot of Eastern European people here, so they can't spell that well." REALLY?? That's the excuse? Unreal. Like I said before, that subject is for another post.
So do you have any awkward customer service stories? Sorry this went a little long. I'm on a 4 and 1/2 hour bus ride and just felt like getting all the details in there.
So I'm going to go back to my birthday weekend for the first instance of awkward customer service. It was March 12, 2011. Margo and I were meeting Dennis and Emily at Clyde's in Chinatown. I wanted a steak dinner and Dennis suggested Clyde's because it fit right in with my price range. We head upstairs for our reservation, get seated promptly, so far so good. Our waiter comes over and has a thick Brooklyn accent, that doesn't have anything to do with it, I'm just saying. So we order our drinks, we all get carded, no big deal. Well the Virginia license I recently got hadn't come in the mail yet, so I had my old PA one with "VOID" punched in it. It didn't expire till the next day but he wouldn't accept it because it said void. So I showed him my military ID which had expired in September 2010 and that was fine. Go figure. Anyway, we get our drinks and order our food and everything seems to be going fairly smooth.
Well that didn't last long. First it was taking forever for our food to come out. Our waiter forgot we were his table. The food we ordered wasn't quite right for everyone. So we just laugh it off, it's not a big deal. We had our drinks and some good material to make jokes about. The manager, PJ, didn't feel the same way. So he came over to offer some apologies for the slow service and mix ups. So you'd think the manager of a nice restaurant in D.C. would have some kind of social skills. WRONG! This guy was as awkward as it could get. Long pauses between words, weird eye contact, I think he ate one or two of his own sentences. It was strange. So we brush it off, and order a nice bottle of wine. That turned out to be a mistake. It took 20 minutes for them to come over and say they didn't have that wine anymore. Here comes PJ, he'll take care of it. So he comes up to the table, pauses a second or two too long, and then waves his hand in a windshield wiper type move and says "I'm back!" . . . . . "So we don't have that wine in stock and we're going to give one of our nicer bottles on the house." Thanks for getting that out PJ, we appreciate it. "He's still here, what is he doing?" I whisper to Margo. After a longer then comfortable pause again, he continues. "I just grabbed the nicest bottle I could find back there, I'm so mad right now" as he shakes his fist. Yes, he actually shook his fist as if he were in a badly scripted soap opera. I guess I can just say soap opera. Anyway, you'd think after that he would tell us to enjoy the rest of our meal and wine and walk away. If that were the case I guess I wouldn't be writing about it. He stood there for a few more awkward seconds in silence and then walked away. So I wonder how he got this job? Is Clyde his father? That's the only explanation. Again, no big deal, we take the free bottle of wine and continue to enjoy ourselves. Uh oh, here comes PJ. He walks up to the table again to apologize for everything and explain all the items they were taking off our bill. While he is explaining why we are getting stuff for free, we all kind of chuckle a bit at the situation. "No, it's not funny" he says while staring at the light fixture on the wall above our table. How awkward is it when you are laughing at something and someone says in a very serious tone that it's not funny? It makes you a little uncomfortable right? That was the cherry on top of our Awkward pie. When it was all said and done we got like $100 of free food and drinks. Happy Birthday to me! So I'm thinking, this has to be a one time deal. There can't be more than one establishment that would hire such social rejects. WRONG!
Fast forward to this weekend. I was in NYC on a social visit. I don't know if you've been to NYC before, but brunch is a big thing up there. So, when in Rome right? So we head out to find a good brunch spot. There is only one stipulation for the place we choose. They must have oatmeal. I was with Margo and Kristina and Kristina only wanted oatmeal in case you were wondering where that stipulation came from. So we walk a couple blocks downtown from Hell's Kitchen checking out joints along the way. We come across one place that seems to have a pretty good deal. The busboy enjoying a cigarette outside tells us how good it is and convinces us to try it out. They had an all you can drink Mimosas and Bloody Mary's special with brunch which is a good selling point. We noticed there was no Oatmeal on the menu, but the gentleman assured us they had some. While we're checking out the menu a couple walks by and is intrigued by the all you can drink special. As the wife comes over and scans the choices she notices one of the selections is "tasted bagel" I didn't spell it wrong, that was on the menu. So she makes a joke about a bagel with a bite out of it being the tasted bagel. Everyone gets a good laugh out of it. It must be some type of foreign bagel or something, they wouldn't have a typo on their menu right? Wow, wrong again. Guess what kind of pancakes they had. If you guessed Bluebarry, you win! Yep, you read it right BlueBARRY. Weird right? So anyway, that's all before we even get in this place. As far as the typos go, that's another post for another time.
We get in and are greeted by the bartender who signals for the hostess to seat us. Here comes a young looking fellow with water. He looks like he probably plays Dungeons and Dragons between his Harry Potter marathons. So now that you have a visual, lets get into how creepy his service is. It's the same story as above. Long pauses, weird eye contact, he didn't eat any sentences he would just kind of stop them mid-way through and walk away. He brings over the napkins and it takes like 20 seconds to say "Sorry they weren't out already." All while just kinda standing and staring into space. This continues throughout the meal. Every time he comes over and leaves we all had something else to laugh about. It was almost like it was his first day. Not his first day on the job, his first day talking to other people. What kind of interview process did he go through? It must have been all online. They didn't have oatmeal by the way. That doesn't really have an awkward story to go with it. It was just FYI. So how do these people get jobs in customer service when they have such a hard time in social situations? It doesn't make any sense to me. If your job is to communicate with people and make them feel comfortable in your establishment, I'd figure you can at least talk to someone in a normal fashion. If it were up to me, these guys would be fired on the spot! Judging by their past performance in a public speaking environment, I'd be half-way through the Hand-job before they even mentioned they required a Ham Sandwich in return. And that's just not fair!
On a side note, I asked the waitress about the Bluebarry pancakes. I was thinking maybe it was on purpose and there was some special type of berry I didn't know about. "Oh, we employ a lot of Eastern European people here, so they can't spell that well." REALLY?? That's the excuse? Unreal. Like I said before, that subject is for another post.
So do you have any awkward customer service stories? Sorry this went a little long. I'm on a 4 and 1/2 hour bus ride and just felt like getting all the details in there.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Being a "Good" Catholic.
There is a term out there that I'm sure everyone has heard of before. The term is "good Catholic." We've all used it ourselves or heard someone using the term when talking about something they shouldn't be doing. In terms of being a good Catholic that is. So what does it mean to be a good Catholic, and should there be any other kind?
Today is Friday, and for those of you that know what's up it means Catholics can't eat mean today. It's Lent and during Lent, Catholics are not supposed to eat meat on Fridays. That's one of the rules of Lent anyway. All Catholics are supposed to give up something they eat/drink/do often for the duration of Lent as well, which is 40 days. It starts on Ash Wednesday, the 7th Wednesday before Easter, and goes for 40 days. Now some of you might be saying, well that puts us about a week short of Easter. Sundays aren't counted in the 40 days so count again! The purpose of Lent is for Catholics to mimic Jesus' withdrawal into the wilderness for 40 days. So to give up something important to them and not eat meat on Fridays is the way it's supposed to go.
So have you been a "good Catholic"? What other ways are people wondering if they are being "good" or not. Let's start with the meat on Friday thing. I have been messing that up for the past couple weeks leaving me to ask that question. Today almost got me again. I got to the BoltBus stop a little early and wanted to grab a quick bite before the 4 and 1/2 hours to NYC. I stroll into Quiznos and check out their menu. Staring me right in the face is an advertisement for their new Chicken Bacon Dipper! Yes Please! I'll take one of those sir. Now I don't know if someone outside was saying something, or it was someone in the restaurant that mentioned it, I'm not even ruling out the possibility of it being Jesus himself. But someone whispered "Friday" in my ear. At least that's what it seemed like. "Wait wait wait, sir do you have some kinda veggie sandwich?" Phhheewwww, I almost blew it again! So I get my veggie sandwich and realize I did blow it! I forgot to say no olives! Gross! At least on this Friday I can say I was a good Catholic!
How else can I be good? Go to church? Yea, probably, I mean it couldn't hurt. I'm not really in agreement with the whole church part of religion but that's a different story! So what are some of the other occasions in our everyday life where us Catholics find ourselves questioning how good we are? Swearing? Guilty. Pre-marital sex? Guilty, sorry Mom. Masturbating? . . . . guilty. Drinking in excess and blacking out, then only God knows what? Guilty. I'm sure there are more, and I'm sure I'd be saying guilty to most of those as well. Does that mean I'm a bad Catholic and am doomed to Hell?? I sure hope not. What about you? Even if you're not religious or a Catholic you know what I'm talking about. So you could ask yourself the same questions and see where you stand.
For now I'm going to concentrate on the meat on Friday deal. Maybe even go a couple weeks after Easter to make up for my previous slip-ups. Is it all for nothing? Maybe it is, maybe it's not. I should be able to at least follow it for 40 days though. Maybe a little sacrifice would be good for everyone. A lot of things are taken for granted these days. Try taking something you do everyday and giving it up for period of time. Like a week! Just to experience that for a short period of time will make you appreciate the ability to have it everyday. So suck on that for a while and tell me what you think.
I've made it to the pit stop on my bus trip. A small rest stop between DC and NYC. Is that what I think it is? Yes it is, good thing I've got a Ham Sandwich! I couldn't eat it, I hope this guy isn't a Catholic. Either way . . . Zip!
Today is Friday, and for those of you that know what's up it means Catholics can't eat mean today. It's Lent and during Lent, Catholics are not supposed to eat meat on Fridays. That's one of the rules of Lent anyway. All Catholics are supposed to give up something they eat/drink/do often for the duration of Lent as well, which is 40 days. It starts on Ash Wednesday, the 7th Wednesday before Easter, and goes for 40 days. Now some of you might be saying, well that puts us about a week short of Easter. Sundays aren't counted in the 40 days so count again! The purpose of Lent is for Catholics to mimic Jesus' withdrawal into the wilderness for 40 days. So to give up something important to them and not eat meat on Fridays is the way it's supposed to go.
So have you been a "good Catholic"? What other ways are people wondering if they are being "good" or not. Let's start with the meat on Friday thing. I have been messing that up for the past couple weeks leaving me to ask that question. Today almost got me again. I got to the BoltBus stop a little early and wanted to grab a quick bite before the 4 and 1/2 hours to NYC. I stroll into Quiznos and check out their menu. Staring me right in the face is an advertisement for their new Chicken Bacon Dipper! Yes Please! I'll take one of those sir. Now I don't know if someone outside was saying something, or it was someone in the restaurant that mentioned it, I'm not even ruling out the possibility of it being Jesus himself. But someone whispered "Friday" in my ear. At least that's what it seemed like. "Wait wait wait, sir do you have some kinda veggie sandwich?" Phhheewwww, I almost blew it again! So I get my veggie sandwich and realize I did blow it! I forgot to say no olives! Gross! At least on this Friday I can say I was a good Catholic!
How else can I be good? Go to church? Yea, probably, I mean it couldn't hurt. I'm not really in agreement with the whole church part of religion but that's a different story! So what are some of the other occasions in our everyday life where us Catholics find ourselves questioning how good we are? Swearing? Guilty. Pre-marital sex? Guilty, sorry Mom. Masturbating? . . . . guilty. Drinking in excess and blacking out, then only God knows what? Guilty. I'm sure there are more, and I'm sure I'd be saying guilty to most of those as well. Does that mean I'm a bad Catholic and am doomed to Hell?? I sure hope not. What about you? Even if you're not religious or a Catholic you know what I'm talking about. So you could ask yourself the same questions and see where you stand.
For now I'm going to concentrate on the meat on Friday deal. Maybe even go a couple weeks after Easter to make up for my previous slip-ups. Is it all for nothing? Maybe it is, maybe it's not. I should be able to at least follow it for 40 days though. Maybe a little sacrifice would be good for everyone. A lot of things are taken for granted these days. Try taking something you do everyday and giving it up for period of time. Like a week! Just to experience that for a short period of time will make you appreciate the ability to have it everyday. So suck on that for a while and tell me what you think.
I've made it to the pit stop on my bus trip. A small rest stop between DC and NYC. Is that what I think it is? Yes it is, good thing I've got a Ham Sandwich! I couldn't eat it, I hope this guy isn't a Catholic. Either way . . . Zip!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)